


and so we drift together

by theedgeofthedesert



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 19:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theedgeofthedesert/pseuds/theedgeofthedesert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 3 times she asks Noah Puckerman out over the course of 2 years make her think they'll never have a chance together. Time and fate may change that... AU eventual Puckleberry with Finchel, St. Berry, Matt/Rachel and Pierceman</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the show Glee nor its characters however all OCs are of my own imagination. All editing mistakes are mine.

On Rachel Berry's first day of 7th grade, she immediately regrets getting the haircut she begged her dads for 2 days before.

For most of her life she's had long, flowing brown hair, but she figures that since she's going to a completely new school she needs to start fresh and that includes a new hairstyle. What she doesn't anticipate is the short style making her face look awkward and accentuate her nose even more.

This is not the impression she wants to make on the first day.

Despite this, when she arrives she ignores most of the stares from all of the other kids who clearly know she's new.

In homeroom she sits right in the front, with all of her notebooks neatly organized according to the order of her classes and all of her folders are color coded and marked. She sits quietly and doesn't say much to anyone.

It's not until Social Studies that she makes an actual friend.

Her name is Tina Cohen-Chang and Rachel is a little confused as to where the Cohen comes from but she decides not to ask. She's an Asian girl about the same height as her with a shy demeanor and stutter. But she's incredibly nice and enjoys the musical West Side Story so Rachel knows she can at least have some sort of friendship with the girl.

At lunch the two of them are eating quietly while Tina tells her about some of the ins and outs of Lima Middle School. Apparently she should be careful when cross paths with Quinn Fabray, one of the most popular girls in 7th grade. While she could be nice at times, the minute she didn't get her way the claws came out.

She looks away from Tina for a moment to look around the cafeteria and observe her classmates.

That's when her eyes lay on him.

He's sitting with a bunch of boys and for all intensive purposes he's kind of scrawny and young looking. But his curly brown hair and mischievious eyes as he snickers and whispers with his friends intrigue her. Just as she's about to look away, he looks in her direction and they lock eyes. He looks over her and gives her a nice smile and a nod.

She feels a small stir in her chest but chocks it up to her food and continues her conversation with Tina.

* * *

The boy ends up being in her math class and they're seated next to each other. His name is Noah Puckerman and he seems to be quite the troublemaker as he flicks little balls at everyone in the room except for her. Instead of terrorizing her in any way, he asks her about where she used to live and why she would move to a crappy town like Lima.

"We lived in Cleveland, but my fathers got a job here because it was closer to my grandparents and paid better. Lima doesn't seem so bad so far."

"Wait…dads? You have 2 dads?" he asks with wide eyes.

She nods. "My dads are gay and decided to have me through a surrogate." She looks at him a little self-conscious. "I bet you think that's a little weird. Everyone usually does.

Noah scoffs quietly. "No that's actually cool. That's two more dads than I have anyway."

They continue talking the rest of the period considering the teacher doesn't have much she wants to teach at the moment. By the time the bell rings the two pre-teens are walking side by side down the hall laughing together like they've known each other their entire lives.

It's how they both feel honestly.

* * *

Noah makes her go to the winter dance.

She and Tina had planned to have a sleepover and watch movies all night, mostly because they didn't want to have to deal with being the losers in the corner with hardly anyone to talk to. Since starting at Lima Middle, Rachel had managed not to really anger anyone and stay under the radar. This was pretty contrary to her nature but she went to her classes, ate lunch with Tina and sometimes Puck and his friend Finn, and stayed out of the popular cliques way.

Either way, she found herself at the dance on a Friday night.

She's wearing a pink dress with black polka dots and has her hair in an updo because it's the only style that didn't make her look completely hideous with her hair growing out. She and Tina are drinking punch and watching everyone else dance and this is exactly what she thought it would be. She doesn't know why Noah wanted her come.

Dreading this exact moment, a slow song comes on and everyone begins to pair up, even the people standing around like losers. Except for Tina and Rachel. The two girls look on glumly as Quinn Fabray dances with Sam Evans. It figures that the two of them look like the picture perfect fairytale couple.

But out of the crowd she finally sees Noah and Finn walking towards them. They're dressed in white shirts and khakis with different color ties. It's completely awkward but wonderful at the same time. They get to the girls and each ask them to dance. Tina and Rachel smile at each other before following the boys out to the dance floor.

Rachel wraps her arms around Puck's neck and feels a jolt as his hand lightly hold her hips. They look at each other shyly, not knowing how to move until they start a steady back and forth.

The move slowly in silence looking around the room at their classmates. What's interesting to Rachel from these events is that she can tell what new couples are going to be the talk of the school by Monday. Santana Lopez and Mike Chang have been pretty close all night but Santana's best friend Brittany Pierce seems pretty peeved about it and walked off the dance floor in a huff. Consequently the 2 girls have been arguing in the corner with Quinn as the mediator for the better part of the night.

Rachel's thoughts are interrupted by Noah talking to her.

"Are you having fun?" he asks quietly.

Rachel looks up at him and smiles. "I guess so," she says with a shrug. "These events are certainly an interesting look to how our classmates interact outside the school zone."

Noah laughs. "You could just say this is a great place to get all the gossip Berry."

Rachel blushes. "I'm sorry. I forget I talk like a 30 year old woman sometimes."

"Whatever. At least you're smart and stuff. You're smarter than most of the girls around here."

Rachel feels her face heat up again, but for different reasons this time. She looks down and tries to breathe steadily so that her heart doesn't pound out of her chest.

"I'm glad you came tonight Rach. It wouldn't have been as fun," she hears him tell her quietly.

She doesn't look up, because she knows if she does he'll be able to see how in love with him she is all over her face.

* * *

Tina thinks she's ridiculous and should just ask him out already.

"He clearly likes you!" she exclaims. "He hardly talks to any of the other girls in school. You're the only one. And sometimes me but that's only because I'm friends with you."

Rachel sighs and falls back onto her yellow bedspread dramatically. "How am I even supposed to ask out a boy? That's not even my job! Tina, I'm a traditional girl and I deserve to be courted in the manner of Maria. Maria didn't ask out Tony so why should I!"

Tina shakes her head and stops writing in her math notebook in order to look at Rachel. "Well it's time to get modern Rachel. It's obvious Noah doesn't know how to ask you out so you're going to have to do it yourself. Sometimes you have to go get the things you want. Like the Tony award you want when you're 25? That's not going to just come out of thin air. You have to go for it! You're Rachel Berry after all."

Rachel looks up at her star studded ceiling and takes in Tina's words.

She's probably right. What's the worst that could happen by asking Noah out herself?

* * *

Rachel realizes after the fact that the worst thing that could happen is Noah saying no…which he does.

Granted, he's really quite nice about it. Which is surprising because he's blushing very hard and looks like he wants the world to swallow him up.

"You're awesome Rach but…I just don't really want a girlfriend or anything right now. Middle school is all dramatic and stuff…and you're my friend…I don't wanna ruin that."

She's too afraid to actually say anything and instead nods and watches him walk off to join Finn and some other guys for some tackle football.

She walks home and ignores the text messages from Tina asking her how it went, only because she doesn't want to fight with her since this is all her fault.

As soon as she walks in the house she feels her eyes water. Her daddy is in the living room and she immediately snuggles up to him on the couch and lets herself wail and cry out the sorrow of her rejection. Her daddy listens to her story and strokes her hair comfortingly.

"It's ok baby girl. I'm sure he'll regret the chance he didn't have with you."

* * *

Despite her rejection, Rachel manages to keep being friends with Noah.

Summer comes and they don't see each other as much. He's decided to join a junior league football team with Finn that takes up most of their time. Rachel and Tina meanwhile keep themselves busy by joining the community theater's production of Cinderella.

Occasionally the 4 of them get together to swim in Rachel's pool and hang out. On the 4th of July they go to the towns parade and watch the fireworks together with both of their families. Oddly enough her dads love Noah's mom and his little sister is adorable. The Puckermans and Berrys forge a pretty great friendship after that.

In the end, Rachel pretty much forgets she ever asked Noah out because it never became a hinderance in their friendship. They still sing and listen to music together, he comes to see her in the Cinderella production, and she plays football catch with him so he can practice a bit.

Forgetting about her previous mistake is probably why she makes it again twice in 8th grade.

To be fair, she asks Noah out again two more times for a couple reasons.

First, his popularity shot up a bit. Playing football coupled with a growth spurt made him look like he was already in high school. He wasn't so scrawny anymore.

Naturally the female population notices. Particularly Santana and Quinn.

It's not so much that she hates those 2 girls. She likes them just fine and they don't give her any trouble, mostly because she doesn't say much to them. The thing is, she knows how catty and snotty they can be. If one of them gets their claws into Noah their friendship is as good as over. They wouldn't be too keen on him being such good friends with another girl.

In essence, she's trying to save their friendship.

Secondly, this summer showed her how compatible they actually are. She's never felt as comfortable with a boy as she does with Noah.

Unfortunately both times she attempts to ask him out, he doesn't see it the way she does.

Much like the first time, he's very nice about it and basically cites the same reason he used before. He doesn't want a girlfriend. At least this means he won't go out with Santana or Quinn, no matter how much they suck up to him and flirt.

* * *

8th grade passes over without many major events and their friendship still continues to grow. They go to the 8th grade dance together and he wears a ridiculous white suit that she begs him not to but he thinks it'll be funny. She wears a pretty black gown and they have the best time dancing, laughing at Jacob Ben Israel, and eating at the diner afterwards with Tina, Finn, and a few other friends.

Sometime before graduation her fathers bring up a proposition.

"How do you feel about private school honey?" her dad asks as they sit down to dinner.

She raises an eyebrow. "Which private school?"

"Pine Tree Academy. They have an excellent academic education, but they also have a great performing arts program, which I know is important to you. We just figured you wouldn't want to go to William McKinley and this seems to be a great opportunity for you."

She looks down at her plate of pasta and thinks for a moment. If she's going to be honest she doesn't really want to go to McKinley. She's heard a lot about the bullying, Figgins being a terrible principle, and the show choir no one cares about. She would hate to leave Tina, Noah, and Finn but she wouldn't be leaving them completely.

She knows what she wants to do with her life. She wants to sing, dance, and act on a big stage and she wants to do whatever she can to put her on that path. McKinley certainly won't do it. She has to do it somewhere else.

"It sounds like a great idea actually," she tells them with a bright smile. "I'll do it."

* * *

She finds it strange one day during the summer when Finn calls her and asks if she wants to go out for ice cream.

When she meets him at the ice cream parlor, there's no sign of Tina and Noah joining them. It's just them.

She likes Finn…she really does. He's incredibly goofy and funny and always makes her smile with his jokes. Sure, he's a little dimwitted but he means well. He and Noah are always such a comedy duo for her on her worst days. The thing is they don't spend time together alone really. They had one class together during 8th grade but other than that there isn't much to say.

Finn talks most of the time about football and how everything is going to change once he gets to McKinley. She listens attentively while eating her chocolate chip cookie dough but zones out every once in awhile.

"What about you? Are you nervous about going to Pine Tree?" he asks her.

She shrugs. "I'm kind of used to being the new kid. And it's always kind of nice in some ways. It's a fresh start."

Finn frowns a bit and leans closer into the table. "Well…you know we're gonna miss you and stuff right? High school won't be the same without you. I know I'll miss you."

Her eyes soften at his confession. "I'll miss you guys too Finn. We could have had a lot of fun together at McKinley I'm sure."

He stares at her for a moment and she can't help but feel a little uncomfortable at his gaze. She looks away and focuses again on her ice cream.

"You're probably wondering why I called you huh?"

"Um…kind of. It's not like the two of us hang out all the time."

"Well…I think we should hang out more. Cause you probably don't know this but I really like you Rachel. I just never said anything before because it was always you and Noah being best friends and stuff but I figured I would take my chance. So I was wondering if you wanted to like…go out with me again or something?"

Rachel's eyes widen. She's extremely surprised by the gesture and she wants to say no. She really does. But she looks at Finn's puppy dog eyes and doesn't have the heart to do it.

She could deal. She knows she could. It's not like she has any other prospects going for her. Noah flashes through her mind for a brief moment but she wills it away immediately. He obviously doesn't want her if he rejected her 3 times. She might as well move on, and Finn might be the best way to do it.

The silence between them has lasted too long for Finn's comfort and she sees that's he's fidgeting and getting nervous. She puts on a smile and reaches for his hand.

"That's very sweet of you Finn. I'd love to go out with you again."

She doesn't say anything about reciprocating his feelings of "like". She's really not sure she even could.

* * *

When Rachel starts at Pine Tree she's significantly less nervous than she was starting at Lima Middle. This time she doesn't have a ridiculous haircut that makes her look awkward. Her hair is back to its long length and she's thankful and never cutting it again. She's not wearing any clothes that make her stand out considering the school has a uniform of a white polo and navy skirt.

She immediately makes friends with a few people in the performing arts circuit named Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, and Artie Abrams. It comforts her to know that she's found her Tina, Noah, and Finn but just in a different place.

Throughout the day she gets texts from Tina asking how the new school is and if it sucks. Finn texts her asking if he can come over that night to hang out. She huffs in frustration at that question, because she's beginning to think it's weird that they never go to Finn's house. He always makes excuses and they go everywhere but there.

Plus he just wants to make out half the time.

She thought dating Finn would be a lot more innocent and fun since he was a good friend before they started dating, but it doesn't seem like that's the case. Her dads like him well enough and she knows they won't mind if he does come over, so she tells him yes.

As for Noah, she hasn't heard from him in a couple days. She knows he's been pretty busy but she already misses him and his ability to distract her from all the things stressing her out.

Later that night, as she's sitting on the couch with Finn watching, he mentions something that makes her stiffen up.

"So no one at school knows we're dating you know," Finn mentions nonchalantly.

She turns to him confused. "Did you not tell anyone or something?"

"Well it's not like we were out a lot publicly during the summer so no one caught wind of it. Plus you don't go to McKinley. So no one knows."

She doesn't understand why he's bringing this up or why it even matters. "Do you want people to know?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Is it any of their business? I mean if people ask me if I have a girlfriend I'll say yes but I'm not gonna advertise it. That'd be weird."

She thinks harder about his statement and why it seems so strange to her, but before she can contemplate it more his lips cover hers and pull her into a make out session.

* * *

As things at Pine Tree get better, things with Finn just get downright strange.

First, he states that his mom isn't too fond of her, but doesn't cite any reasons why. He uses this as his excuse for never having her over. He also cuts down their time together because "His mom is so strict and will hardly let him out of the house, especially if it has to do with you."

She goes 3 weeks without seeing him at one point.

They send each other text messages, and occasionally talk online, and sometimes he even sends her notes through Tina, who thinks the whole situation is stranger than anything she's ever seen.

"He doesn't act any differently in school when I see him," Tina ponders. "I do know that no one knows you two are dating, although I don't understand why. Then again none of the girls have been hitting on him or anything so I don't think he's cheating on you."

Rachel nods solemnly, not letting any of her emotions show to her best friend. Maybe he's not cheating on her, but she feels like a dirty little secret and she doesn't understand why.

It's not until she goes to one of his football games with Tina that things start to make sense to her.

The two girls are sitting in the stands, drinking hot chocolates and cheering on the JV team that both Finn and Noah are apart of. They're winning with a pretty big lead and it doesn't seem like the other team will be able to catch up when there's only 3 minutes left in the game.

When the final whistle is blown and victory is declared, the girls head over to the locker room to wait for the boys. They weren't aware that Tina would be bringing Rachel with her so it'll be a surprise. They say hello to various people that Rachel knew from Lima Middle while they wait, and finally Noah emerges from the locker room first. He only sees Tina at first and gives her a nod, but when he lays his eyes on Rachel his face lights up. He pulls into a bear hug and she laughs and tries to ignore the pang in her heart that comes around everytime she even thinks of Noah.

"Berry I didn't even know you were coming!" he exclaims.

She tries to wipe the bright smile off her face but it just doesn't go away when she's around him these days. The time they spend together is rare, and most of the time it's at temple when they both happen to be at the same service.

"Yeah I wanted to surprise you…and Finn," she adds quickly at the last minute. At the mention of Finn, Noah's smile dims a little and he backs away slightly from Rachel. "Yeah, he's still in the locker room. I'm sure you guys will want to hang out or something. It was good to see you though."

Before she can stop him, he gives both of the girls a wave and walks off quickly. Tina and Rachel look at each other confused but before they can discuss what happened, Finn walks out of the locker room.

He stops when he sees Rachel, and instead of being excited to see her he looks…nervous. She looks at Tina who shrugs and tells the couple she'll see them later now that she knows Rachel will get home safe with Finn. She walks off and Rachel suddenly wants her best friend back with her, because she can feel that there's something wrong with this whole picture.

Finn puts on a small smile and engulfs Rachel in a hug. She wraps her arms around him and breathes in his scent, which still has that hint of grass and sweat. He leads them down the hall, and around the corner to another hallway that's pretty secluded and dark. She leans against the locker, looking up at him until he surrounds her with his arms at either side of her.

"You should have told me you were coming," he murmurs while playing with her hair.

"I wanted to surprise you," she responds.

He sighs. "It's just…I'm supposed to go to this after party or something with the upperclassmen. They really wanted me to come.

"Oh…well maybe I could just go with you? Get to know your teammates?"

He shakes his head. "That's probably not a good idea babe. It's not really your scene. Maybe you can catch up with Tina or something?"

She simply nods and looks down so he doesn't see her confused and disappointed face. "Yeah I better go so she doesn't leave without me."

Finn's warmth leaves her as he backs away from the locker, but before he walks off he tilts Rachel's face upward to lay a soft kiss on her lips. She closes her eyes and leans in to try and deepen it, but before she can Finn has already pulled away with a quiet goodbye and walks off. She opens her eyes to his back walking off without her.

That night as she lays in her bed, she tears up thinking about how alone she feels even though she has a boyfriend. She doesn't understand what's wrong with them, why he doesn't feel like the same Finn she was friends with for 2 years.

Remembering their encounter in a dark hallway, with soft voices and a fleeting kiss, she feels a little like a dirty little secret. They could have had that conversation outside the locker room, but it wasn't until they were alone that he showed her any affection. She doesn't know why…but maybe Finn is ashamed of her.

She slowly falls asleep with a few dry tears on her cheeks.

* * *

She breaks up with Finn 3 days later.

After a long talk with Tina, who always seems to be her voice of reason, she realizes this just isn't going to work. She knows what she deserves, and that's a boy that will actually take the time to be with her and not be ashamed of her. She's Rachel Berry after all. She deserves the best.

Life goes on as it did before and Rachel throws herself into establishing herself at Pine Tree. She makes more time to hang out with Blaine, Kurt, and Artie and has them over her house a few times. It should be weird that her 3 good friends at school are boys but Blaine and Kurt are gay and Artie is more like a brother.

One of the things she finds hilarious about Kurt is his aversion to her wardrobe. They never had this problem until they started hanging out more outside of school. Once he saw her outside of school and out of her uniform in her button downs and animal sweaters, he declared unsuitable for public viewing. One Friday night was spent at the mall with him and Tina as he tried to get her to buy more suitable clothes for a 14 year old girl.

"Just because you go to a private school with schoolgirl uniforms doesn't mean you have to look the part 24 hours a day, 7 days a week Rachel," he reasons.

She ends up adding more jeans and nice tops to her wardrobe. Usually she can remain strong, but Kurt's version of peer pressure would be good enough for CIA interrogations.

* * *

Halfway through freshman year Noah gets a haircut.

By being on the high school football team, he's become more built and tan through playing in the strong sun that they had all through fall. Even the winter hasn't been able to shake off how bronze his skin is suddenly looking. Any baby fat he may have had on his face is gone and left with a more defined jaw.

She wants to say the haircut is a little ridiculous, because it's a Mohawk, but as he explains to her at temple "It's badass." She has to agree with him.

Their families go out to lunch after temple one afternoon and Noah and Rachel sit at the end of the table so they can catch up.

"So everyone on the football team has been calling me Puck lately…cause of my last name. It's kind of cool. Fits more with the Mohawk than Noah does so I'll probably stick with it."

Rachel grimaces. "Puck? You mean like the fairy or the repulsive guy from the Real World?"

"Huh. I didn't even think of that. Whatever it still makes sense. So now everyone should call me Puck."

"Yeah no," Rachel scoffs. "I think I'm going to stick with Noah honestly."

He shrugs with a "suit yourself" before digging into his burger and fries. Rachel watches him in amusement, kind of missing the moments where she could wonder how he stuffs all that food in his mouth so quickly.

"So I'm sure you know me and Finn broke up," she mentions while picking at her salad.

Noah swallows down his burger thickly before answering her. "Yeah Finn mentioned it. He kind of moved on already though. He and Quinn Fabray are dating or something. I don't know. The girl is kind of a bitch so I don't know how he can stand her."

Rachel raises her eyebrow in surprise. "Really? Quinn Fabray? That's…interesting."

She ponders that strange match up for a moment before looking at Noah again. She always wonders when she's going to hear he's dating some girl and the thought of it makes her hands clench a little. There's a part of her that will always wish he'd said yes to her during one of the 3 times she asked him out.

But no matter. He'll just be missing out.

* * *

Freshman year passes over quickly and the summer seems like a blur. She spends most of her 3 months of free time doing community theater with Tina, Artie, Blaine, and Kurt. Occasionally she sees Noah and they hang out at the lake with a few of her friends. He and Artie get along really well oddly enough. She's glad she can bring together two of her worlds in some way.

Sophomore year comes along and she throws herself into debate team and glee club. She's determined for them to dominate sectionals and therefore regionals this year. The club is great, and they have some great talent. She and Blaine make for excellent leads and Artie is able to get a lot of help from the jazz band for some of their numbers.

Being so busy, she doesn't really expect to meet a guy this year…which is why Jesse St. James ends up being a surprise.

She meets Jesse at one of the mixers Pine Tree has in conjunction with the all boys school Dalton Academy. They're held in a big gym with lots of music and lots of people. Generally she walks out of them completely soaked in sweat because it's so incredibly hot. But they're fun. She dances around with Kurt and they make up ridiculous dance moves while checking out some of the guys.

They're doing just that at this particular mixer when she feels a tap on her shoulder and turns around to see Blaine and a boy with unruly hair and a small smirk.

"Rachel, this is my friend Jesse. He goes to Dalton. Jesse this is Rachel," Blaine explains.

She shakes hands with him and feels a jolt to her system when their hands touch. She looks at him surprised and smiles when he raises an eyebrow at her.

"Do you want to dance?" he yells over the music.

She nods and follows him out to the dance floor, looking over her shoulder at Kurt and Blaine's excited faces.

The two of them dance closely and Rachel is overwhelmed with the sensations she feels as they move together. Their conversation is limited thanks to the loud music, but he manages to tell her that he's a sophomore and knows Blaine through the show choir circuit.

By the end of the night she and Jesse are joined at the hip and have exchanged numbers. He promises to call her so they can go out sometime. As he says goodbye with a hug and walks away, Rachel stares after him dreamily and hopes he keeps the promise.

* * *

A week later, Jesse officially asks her to be his girlfriend.

Rachel never understood the term whirlwind romance until she met Jesse. He insisted on taking her out almost every other night, even if it was a school night. They sat in the corner of a coffee shop talking for hours about god knows what. They went to the movies and probably spent more than half of the movie making out. In essence, Rachel feels like a normal teenager.

She knows Jesse isn't ashamed of her and that her fears from her previous relationship with Finn should never be a factor in this one with Jesse. He treats her wonderfully, gives her advice on her music when she practices for him, and picks her up from school sometimes.

The only downside is that being so busy with Jesse has left less time for friends like Tina and Noah. Granted, Tina likes Jesse just fine and thinks they're great together. When Rachel described the night she and Jesse met, Tina was hanging on every word.

As for Noah, she sees him occasionally at temple. It doesn't seem like he cares too much about her new relationship. He simply shrugs when she mentions it.

"That's cool. But if he's a douche and does something stupid then let me know."

She rolls her eyes at his lack of caring. In the back of her mind, she wants him to care more. She wants him to have a response.

* * *

Tina mentions right after winter break that Noah and Brittany Pierce are dating.

Rachel stops what she's writing and looks at Tina confused.

"…Brittany Pierce?"

Tina shrugs. "She's actually pretty nice. A little dimwitted but nice. I have geometry with her and Noah and they've been talking and stuff. Plus she's a cheerleader and he's a football player. I don't know. I guess it makes sense. They're kind of cute though. She always knows how to make him laugh."

Rachel smiles a bit despite herself. A part of her heart aches as she thinks about Noah happy with some other girl. She has Jesse, and she actually really likes Jesse…but she won't deny that there will always be something about Noah Puckerman.

* * *

She doesn't see or talk to Noah for about a month after finding out about his new relationship status. They never end up at the same temple services and she hasn't thought much about him. She's so busy with Jesse, school, glee club, and debate team that she doesn't have a lot of time to think about anything.

Tina tells her that McKinley has formed their own glee club that she, Noah, Brittany, and Finn joined. They don't have that many people yet, but they're trying to put themselves out there by having a mini concert on Friday night. Before Tina can even ask, Rachel tells her she'll be there.

She sits in the back for the performance, and sees that Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez are part of the group as well. In addition there's Mike Chang who is actually a great dancer. So is Brittany. She wants to be mad at that but she can't deny raw talent, even if it's coming from Noah's girlfriend.

Noah has a solo at one point during the night. He's playing his guitar, crooning around the stage, and basically making the crowd adore him. He's singing Billy Joel and she can't be surprised since he has an affinity for Jewish artists. She claps along with the rest of the crowd and smiles brightly at his voice-she always knew he could sing but his voice is lovelier than she remembers.

The rest of the concert goes off without a hitch, ending with Tina singing True Colors. Rachel woops the loudest out of everyone, proud of her friends for putting together something like this when they don't have that many people. Maybe they won't qualify for competitions this year, but if people are smart they'll join and get better, making them a group to worry about for next years circuit.

She greets Tina with a bear hug when she comes from backstage and tells her how great she sounded. They talk for a few minutes until Rachel sees Mrs. Puckerman and decides to say hi to her.

The woman gushes over her, saying how great she looks and how much she misses seeing her around in her house and at temple.

"Tell Noah I said hi will you," Rachel asks Mrs. Puckerman.

The woman raises an eyebrow. "You could tell him yourself you know. He'll probably come out with Brittany in a minute."

"I know it's just…I'm in a hurry and I have to go. So just tell him I said hi and everything."

She leaves Mrs. Puckerman with a hug and hurries out of the auditorium with Tina in tow.

When she gets home that night, Jesse calls her and asks about her day. Instead of saying she went to go see Noah and Tina in a concert, she tells him she spent her time watching movies with her dads.

* * *

Life goes on, and when spring comes new sports start at McKinley. Tina mentions that Noah and Finn are on the baseball team.

She doesn't know why she decides to go to one of the games one sunny afternoon, but she finds herself sitting on the bleachers in the very back, and she doesn't know how she got there.

She keeps herself out of everyone's line of sight and watches the game. True to his nature, Noah is the shortstop. She ignores how good he looks in the uniform and instead pays attention to how the game is going.

At one point she looks over to the other side of the bleachers and sees Brittany sitting with Santana. She's smiling brightly as she cheers Noah on.

Instead she's calling him Puck.

Something within her smiles at the fact that she's probably the only one who calls him Noah anymore. It's his given name, it's what she called him when she first met him, so it will be the name she calls him…forever. Besides…Puck implies he's some tough badass bully. Except he's not like that. Especially not with Rachel.

The innings change and McKinley is up to bat. Brittany walks over to the dugout quickly. Rachel can see Noah through the fence and he lights up when he sees Brittany coming towards him. They talk for a few minutes with the barrier between them, she sees him laugh and smile.

She knows when Noah is faking…he's not with her. He's comfortable, he's at ease, and he genuinely likes Brittany.

Rachel looks around the field, finally asking herself what she's even doing here. She has a boyfriend and a life she's happy with. She might even love Jesse.

She takes one last look at Noah and Brittany before getting up from the bleachers and making her way out of the game without being noticed.

* * *

Sophomore year passes over and junior year comes along without many events. She and Jesse are still going strong and she's genuinely fallen in love with him.

At the end of the summer, her fathers take Rachel, Jesse, Tina, and Kurt to the family lake house and it's the best week of her life thus far. The 4 of them swim in the lake, go into town and eat tons of food they probably shouldn't, and generally have a great time.

It's one night sitting under the tree that she and Jesse first say they love each other.

She doesn't think of Noah at all in that moment. She hasn't thought of Noah that much at all.

Halfway through junior year, Rachel is sure she's going to school in either New York or Chicago. She wants to be in a city and loves that kind of life. She also knows that if she wants to be on stage for the rest of her life, the best place to do that is not in Ohio.

She and Tina talk about it one day and surprisingly enough, Tina is also set on going to school in Chicago or New York…for art. Over the past few years at McKinley her interest in painting has grown and she's actually very very good. Rachel has been to a few of her exhibitions and is amazed at the talent she didn't know her best friend had.

She doesn't mention her hopes or dreams to Jesse. She doesn't want to talk to him only to have her perfect bubble ruined in some way.

* * *

Prom comes along and Rachel is set on getting a great dress. She has to go to 2 proms-one for Pine Tree and another for Dalton. She ends up getting a red strapless that makes her look incredibly sexy with the approval from Kurt. For once she'd like to deviate from her usual cute, prim and proper look.

Jesse approves. He approves so much that she loses her virginity to him that night.

The first time is extremely awkward. She's uncomfortable, Jesse is nervous and afraid of hurting her, and the sheets of the bed in their hotel make her feel a little itchy. But she loves Jesse for trying, she does. There are candles illuminating the room and he ordered them ice cream after they were done to make her feel better.

Luckily the times after that are much better.

* * *

Tina quit glee club at the beginning of junior year in order to focus more on her art.

Rachel still goes to see their performances. She doesn't tell anyone.

* * *

During the summer before senior year, she and her fathers take a trip to see colleges.

They go to Chicago and New York per Rachel's request. By the end of their college tour she is absolutely certain, without a doubt that she wants to go to NYU.

Walking on the campus, she already felt like she was one of them. She can imagine herself sitting in one of these coffee shops, looking over a script for a theater workshop. She knows this is where she needs to be.

So she does something a little ballsy…something her guidance counselor advises her explicitly not to do.

She applies to NYU early decision but doesn't send out any applications anywhere else. If she happens to not get in, which she'll find out in December, she'll scrounge up applications to other places. But she's really sure about this. She can feel it.

* * *

Thankfully her stupidity pays off.

She checks the decision website in early December to find that she got in. Her dads are waiting downstairs while she gets on the computer in her room, and when she comes down with tears pouring down her face she can tell they're holding their breaths.

"I did it. I got in," she sobs out.

Her dads scoop her up and the three of them are crying for probably 10 straight minutes before they all separate to make phone calls and tell everyone the news. She calls Tina and Kurt and their screams would have made her deaf and annoyed if she wasn't so excited.

She calls Jesse who proposes them going out to dinner to celebrate. He takes her to her favorite restaurant and they end the night with celebration sex in the back of his car.

Somewhere in all of that, she thinks of Noah for a moment and wonders how excited he would be for her.

* * *

Jesse applies to NYU and doesn't get in.

Instead he gets accepted to UCLA and Rachel is genuinely excited for him. It's a great school and there's lots of opportunities in LA. The only question is whether they'll break up.

She certainly doesn't want to. If she puts her mind to something she can make it work and succeed. There's email, phone calls, facebook, skype, and every other mode of communication ever created. They'll be fine. And he agrees.

They agree to stay together.

Tina gets into a great art school in Philadelphia, and Rachel's excited that her best friend will still be so close to her. The two of them look up the best ways to get to each other and it seems the Bolt and Mega buses will become her best friend over the next 4 years.

Tina also happens to mention a bombshell…

Noah got into NYU too.

"I didn't think he would want to go to school in NY," Rachel says shocked.

"Yeah he actually does. He wants to do music and songwriting. I don't even know anymore…but he doesn't want to be in Ohio," Tina tells her as if it's no big deal."

"Well…that's really great. Where is Brittany going?" she asks while trying not to sound too eager.

"I think she's going to school somewhere in Pennsylvania or something so she and Puck won't be too far from each other. She mentioned to me that they're staying together."

Rachel sighs and tries to sound normal as she continues to talk to Tina.

It's a big campus. Actually, it's a big city. Maybe she won't even see him.

* * *

It's high time she makes a facebook.

Before she didn't care about things like this, but now that she's been accepted to college she figures she should get into the whole social networking thing. Tina has one so she helps her set it up and add a few people.

She adds Noah and Brittany, reasoning within herself that she has no ulterior motives for doing so.

She also joins a group for students who've been accepted to NYU. She looks through the discusiion boards, interested to see the type of people she'll be going to school with. One board in particular has her combing through pages and pages of material.

Roommate surveys.

People fill out surveys with simple questions about themselves, in hopes that maybe they'll find someone they might want to room with. She has the ability to pick her roommate if she chooses, but she doesn't see anyone that she would want to take a chance on.

She's about to exit out when one girl catches her eye.

Her name is Mercedes Jones, and she's from Cleveland, Ohio. She loves music, Chinese food, and wants to explore New York as much as she can. She wants to major in music but also double major in psychology. She says herself that she can be a diva sometimes. For some reason all of this information catches Rachel's eye.

She adds the girl on Facebook and sends her a message saying how great of an artist she thinks Alicia Keys is since she mentioned that in the survey. She also adds how great it is to see another Ohio kid in the mix of cool NYU people.

Before she knows it, she and Mercedes are becoming fast friends through facebook messaging. They want the same things in regards to dorm rooms. After a lot of research they've found the perfect building to apply to with a bathroom, living room, and kitchen. They happily agree to be roommates.

She still hasn't seen or talked to Noah. Life hasn't had them cross paths lately and she doesn't really know what to say to him through facebook so she just leaves it alone.

* * *

Graduation comes and goes with celebration. She takes tons of pictures with her parents and Kurt, Blaine, and Artie. She doesn't feel nostalgic or sad about leaving Pine Tree. She made a lot of great friends but besides those 3 boys she doesn't see herself being best friends for life with these people.

A few days after graduation, she and Mercedes find out they got into the dorm they wanted. Rachel immediately starts thinking of color patterns for the living room and looking up dishes for the kitchen.

She also gets a post on her wall from Noah.

"Yo Berry. It's been awhile! I heard you're going to be at NYU. Ohio is taking over."

She freezes in her seat and stares at her computer screen for awhile. She wants to just ignore the post and pretend she doesn't even see it but what's the harm in responding back? Noah was one of her best friends at one point. She thinks of Jesse for a moment, wondering if he'll notice and ask questions, but he doesn't know anything about Noah. So she responds.

"Noah, it has been awhile. Congratulations on getting into NYU! It seems we will be classmates again. Did you get your housing assignment this week?"

He responds fairly quickly, and she almost falls off her seat when she sees his response.

"Hayden Hall. What about you?"

"Wow what a coincidence! That's where I am too. I'm living in 501 with another girl, where are you?"

"Wait Berry are you shitting me? Playing a joke or something? Because I'm in 502. I think that makes us across the hall from each other."

Rachel stares at the computer screen for a few minutes, completely speechless with nothing to say.

God is playing a cruel joke on her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel's first semester at NYU comes with more tribulations than she anticipated.

Sometimes when Rachel is completely stressed out and can't handle what's going on, she takes a nap. Somehow, sleep makes just about everything better. When she wakes up from her nap a couple hours later, she's able to think more clearly and get ahold of herself.

Since she added Noah on Facebook, she's completely avoided looking at his profile. She figures since they're going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next year, she needs to get herself reacquainted with his life.

The various posts on his wall aren't really of interest to her, and instead she goes straight to looking at his photos. His profile picture is of him sitting on a couch with Brittany in his lap. They're smiling brightly at the camera, and even though it seems like a long time since she's been friends with Noah, she knows when he's happy.

The pictures she continues to see of the couple prove it.

Over the past couple years that they've been together, it seems like Noah and Brittany really integrated themselves into each other's lives. Rachel remembers that Brittany has a little brother and sister, who seem to love Noah judging from the pictures of them hanging off his shoulder.

She can't help but be happy for him, even if a part deep inside of her aches a little. Seeing a picture of Noah, his mom, sister, and Brittany at regionals pulls at her heartstrings. She refuses to identify why. She loves Jesse…she really does. And this is what Noah has always wanted-a family. He's become part of a family with the Pierces. He goes on vacations with them, celebrates holidays. She knows that even though he didn't talk about it very much, his dad leaving left a huge hole in his life.

She takes a deep breathe, and responds to his previous wall post. Whatever history between her and Noah is purely of friendship. They were never together, and she has no right to feel like this. She should be excited…this way she'll know someone when she goes to NYU. Knowing she has a friend to fall back on is comforting in some ways.

"I'm not playing a joke Noah. We're going to be neighbors! I'm sure it's going to be a really great year with you around."

She decides to let go of her feelings about the living situation and enjoy the last summer she has left.

* * *

She and Jesse take a lot of day trips to the lake and soak up the sun and play in the water. They also go on a weekend trip to Chicago to see Wicked up on stage. What she appreciates about Jesse is that he's interested in so many things that she is. Most boys think her love for Broadway and music is a turn-off, but she knows the way to get Jesse really hot is singing All That Jazz to him.

They're lying in their bed in the hotel room in Chicago, completely spent and sleepy. She's laying her head on his chest and focusing on the way he breathes and how his heart is slowing down after exerting so much energy.

"I can't wait for you to come visit me," he murmurs.

She smiles and pokes his chest playfully. "Well what are we going to do first? Scope out Hollywood I hope?"

"Maybe I'll take you to see a play," he responds while stroking her hair. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Stop talking like that. It's only July…we still have a whole month, vacation with my dads, Kurt, and Tina, and you're coming with us to New York to help me get settled in right?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

She sighs contentedly as he leans down to kiss her hair. She slowly drifts off the sleep wishing this didn't have to change, but she knows it will.

* * *

Rachel and Mercedes decide to meet up in Cleveland in a cute little coffee shop close to Mercedes' house. As Rachel drives there, she's a little nervous about meeting her roommate. While they've gotten along really well through facebook messages, meeting a person face to face is a whole different ballgame.

The two girls hug each other excitedly as soon as they see each other. They sit down at a small table in the corner and start gushing about things that have happened in the past week. They keep up pretty regularly with each other's lives, and Mercedes loves hearing about Jesse. In fact, he calls her at one point and tells her to say hi to Mercedes. Rachel talks to him for a few minutes, considering he's at the airport to go sing in London with his glee club the Warblers. They were invited to a special all boys choir competition and he'd be gone for about 10 days. Mercedes grins and coos at how cute the two of them are.

"So I saw that one of your friends or something is going to be at NYU too?" Mercedes mentions.

"Yeah…his name is Noah. We went to middle school together actually and he's living across the hall from us. How crazy is that?" Rachel responds nonchalantly.

"Wow really? Were you two good friends? Or do we have to be worried about some crazy fool living near us?"

Rachel laughs. "No Noah is harmless. We were really good friends in middle school but lost touch during high school since he went to public and I went to private. I think you'll like him though, he's a fun guy. Very mischievous sometimes but his heart is always in the right place."

Mercedes looks at Rachel for a moment and she shrinks back, thinking that the way she described Noah gave something away. Instead Mercedes ignores it and they continue their conversation, changing over to room décor.

It's like when she talks about Noah, she slips up.

* * *

Before she knows it, Rachel is walking in Hayden Hall.

It's so early in the morning that her eyes hurt, but her dads and Jesse want to get a head start on getting everything set up before it gets too crowded. Her dads were able to send a lot of her things ahead so the task is really just unloading the U-Haul.

The room is really quite gorgeous and spacious. She didn't think she and Mercedes would have so much to work with, but she's determined to make this apartment a real home.

Most things are on their way to being set up and established by the time Mercedes gets there. The two girls greet each other and hug while both the Berrys and the Jones get acquainted. Rachel introduces Mercedes to Jesse and is pretty proud by how much the two of them get along already.

By the early afternoon, everything is unpacked and pretty much done. The girls and Jesse get lunch and explore the campus a little bit before going to get ID cards and other supplies.

That night, her dads and Jesse think it would be a good idea to let Rachel have the night on her own so she can get used to her new hallmates. She kisses Jesse goodbye and tells him they'll have breakfast the next morning, and she's left to herself.

Strangely enough, she managed to avoid seeing Noah for most of the day. She knows she'll be seeing him in at least a hour during their hall meeting but she should probably go say hi to him. She's excited to see him anyway.

She goes across the hall and knocks on the door, smoothing out her shirt as she waits for the door to open.

When it does, little Sarah Puckerman is smiling widely at her.

"Rachel Berry! Mom, Noah it's Rachel Berry!" she exclaims. She jumps into Rachel's arms, catching her off guard with an "oof", but the smile on her face can't be erased. She always loved Sarah and the way she idolized Noah. She hopes that hasn't changed.

She walks into the room and it seems like mostly everything has been set up. Noah, Mrs. Puckerman, and an extremely built black guy come from what seems to be the boy's room, and Noah immediately pulls Rachel into a hug.

"Well if it isn't Rachel Berry! You ready to take over New York B?" he asks her as he pulls away with a smile.

She blushes a little and plays with the ends of her hair in order to distract herself. She didn't think she would be this nervous seeing him again. "B? That's a new nickname Noah."

"Noah? He told me to call him Puck," the boy who seems to be his roommate interrupts.

Puck rolls his eyes. "Yeah B wasn't too keen on the nickname when I first came up with it. She's probably the only one who still calls me Noah. Besides my mom and Sarah anyway."

At this, Rachel turns to Mrs. Puckerman and hugs her. Noah's roommate stands among the greetings awkwardly and Rachel feels bad that they haven't even been introduced.

"Hello! Since Noah seems to be too rude to make the introductions I guess I will have to do it myself. My name is Rachel Berry and I live across the hall. I know Noah here because we went to middle school together but we didn't go to the same high school therefore we lost touch over the years. So don't feel too awkward around us. What's your name?"

The boy blinks, a little astonished at the energy that comes out of Rachel as she talks. Noah snickers and claps him on the back. "Some things don't change…you still ramble Rach. This is Jake."

Rachel beams and the boy gives her a small nervous smile. "So I bet you think you have to be this friendly to me cause I'm black or something…right?" he says with a straight face.

Rachel pulls back, eyes wide. "I-I-I don't know what you mean," she sputters.

Jake simply stares at for a few seconds before cracking a smile and looking at Noah with a smirk. "I'm just fucking with you. It's what I do."

Noah shakes his head with a smile. "The guys been doing that to me all day I swear."

Rachel lets out a small laugh, still a little unsure of what just happened. Mrs. Puckerman simply shakes her head as she continues unpacking things.

"You actually came at a good time Rach, we were about to go get dinner. You wanna come with?" Noah asks.

She nods, trying to quell the old feelings of happiness she used to get whenever Noah was around "I'd be happy to join you. Actually, I'll go get my roommate Mercedes and we'll all go!"

She's a little thankful for Mercedes and all the other buffers she has. It'll completely distract her from the feelings she's not supposed to have.

* * *

Surprisingly, her hall is full of a lot of great people.

Their Grad Advisor seems to be a bit of nutcase though. As she talks about herself and all the different degrees and schools she's already been too, Rachel is certain that the woman is basically just a professional student. She's also hell bent on getting everyone to "bond" with asinine activities. None of them are amused.

For the rest of the night, she doesn't see Noah and hangs out with Mercedes and few other girls they meet in the hall as everyone goes to various orientation events. There's lots of free food, dancing, and new people. She's completely overwhelmed by it all.

By the end of the night, half the hall is holed up in Rachel and Mercedes's room looking up Youtube videos and laughing about absurd things. She looks over at Noah across the room and they make eye contact. He gives her a small smile before going back to his conversation with Jake and another boy.

* * *

The next morning, Jesse arrives at her building and suggests they all go out for breakfast. Mercedes goes to get a few of the girls and boys. Rachel doesn't mind too much. She wants her hallmates to meet Jesse after all…but mostly she wants Noah to meet him.

Grace and Karen, a couple of girls who are nursing majors agree to tag along while Noah and Jake also appear with the group. Rachel nervously introduces Jesse and Noah while rambling incessantly about her middle school history with him. The two boys look at her amused and shake hands good heartedly.

"Gosh it's good know some things don't change-like B here rambling like a crazy person. I missed that," Noah jokes. Jesse laughs and the two boys walk ahead of the girls with Jake.

She should be happy that her boyfriend and middle school crush get along but somehow it unsettles her.

She spends the rest of the day going to events for the theater department with her dads. Jesse decides to hang out around New York and do some things before he and her dads leave that night.

Talking with a few professors and some of the other people in her major get her excited about everything she's going to be learning. The few students she spoke to are great, but she doesn't take it completely serious. Once classes get underway it's every man for himself. People are going to get cutthroat and in the end she can't completely trust everyone.

Jesse and her dads are set for a 7:00 flight, so at 4 she's standing outside her building watching her 3 men get into a cab. It hits her then that she's on her own completely without the support that Jesse has given her for almost 3 years and the love her dads have given her for 18. She tears up a little but wipes away the tears quickly wanting to be strong. Jesse notices though and smiles. He hugs her closely and kisses her cheek tenderly, making her tears come faster.

"I have something for you," he tells her while reaching for something in his bag. He pulls out a book, and when Rachel opens it she sees that it's actually a photo album.

It chronicles just about everything from their relationship and Rachel cries even harder as she quickly looks through.

Her daddy quietly tells her that they have to go as he gives her a hug and kisses her forehead. She nods in understanding and hugs her dad tightly, telling the both of them that she loves them and they better call her when they get home so she knows they're safe. She looks at Jesse sadly, and he laughs as he takes her into his arms again.

"It'll be ok Rachel. You'll see me in October for your fall break ok? I love you."

She nods and places a lingering kiss on his lips. "I love you too. I'll talk to you soon."

She watches them drive away with a heavy heart.

* * *

After a few weeks into the semester Rachel is feeling completely exhausted and overwhelmed. She didn't think college would be this hard. Granted her classes are absolutely fascinating and her professors are brilliant, but it's the requirement courses that are screwing her over.

Calculus is a bitch.

Other than that, the friends she's made in the hall have been a huge relief to her. She and Mercedes are getting along wonderfully. While she's never necessarily been an outcast, she's never felt completely at home in a place. The way it is at Hayden Hall though, this is becoming a family she never knew she needed. Everyone has their doors open, with music and laughter constantly…she doesn't want it to change.

She never spends time alone with Noah.

They fully caught up on each other's lives with Jake and Mercedes looking on amused. Noah told her all about what some of their middle school classmates are up to now. She can't help but feel somewhat satisfied that Azimio didn't even go to college and is working at some McDonalds. He was always the biggest bully in middle school.

When he talked about Brittany she could tell how much he missed her. She's going to school outside of Philadelphia, so while it's not too hard for her and Noah to see each other, it's also not completely easy. In some ways she's a little jealous of Noah…he at least can see his girlfriend on a somewhat regular basis.

She tries to stay in touch as much as possible with Jesse. He's loving it in L.A. and told her all about his roommates and hallmates the first day. All of them are theater majors like Jesse, and he went on and on about how even though they are really great, they're probably not at the same caliber as him. She laughs at this. Jesse's confidence was always a little too much but it really just made her laugh most of the time.

Well..sometimes his confidence makes him look like an asshole. But she misses him nonetheless.

* * *

She figured that sooner or later Brittany would come to visit.

It's early October on a Saturday. She and Mercedes are up, dressed, and eating breakfast with the door open for anyone that wants to come through. Rachel's thinking about going through Soho for a little shopping and exploring. The amount of homework she has to do isn't that bad, and she can just do it that night anyway.

They hear the elevator chime but think nothing of it, and it's not until they hear a soft knock that they look and see Noah and Brittany standing there hand in hand.

Rachel shakes off her shock and puts on a smile for the both of them.

"Brittany! It's so good to see you, it's been so long!" she exclaims while going to hug her. Brittany receives the hug warmly and looks Rachel over.

"I know it's so great to see you! When Puck told me you guys were living across the hall from each other I freaked out. I mean seriously what are the odds?"

They all laugh a little and Rachel introduces Brittany to Mercedes. Noah just stands back and lets the girls talk and catch up quickly.

She wants to hate Brittany…she really does. But if she's going to be honest, she knows that the girl is actually very sweet. She was never mean to her in middle school…she was actually quite nice. She also seems to mellow out Noah already who has been stressed out and high strung with everything he has going on here at school. He joined a rock genre centered acapella group, which Rachel was seriously surprised at but he simply shrugged his shoulders when he told her the news. "I liked glee club ok? I need an outlet or whatever."

She wanted to hug the boy with the sheepish look he gave her.

She knows he's hardly been sleeping and basically trying to enjoy everything NYU has to offer. But he's stressed. Seeing him with Brittany makes him calm.

She decides right then that she really likes them together.

* * *

Midway through October is Fall break, which is really just a 4 day weekend for everyone to do whatever they want. Rachel decides to spend it in L.A. with Jesse.

He picks her up from the airport and immediately takes her out to lunch to what he says is one of his favorite places. It seems incredibly high end and fancy but she doesn't question it. It's just…she doesn't know how he affords it.

Everything at UCLA is wonderful. California in general is a great place. She gets a different feeling and energy as soon as she gets off the plane. He shows her around campus and she wonders how anyone gets any work done at college campuses as nice as this. It's the same with NYU-they're distracted with everything it has to offer.

She meets his roommates and finds that they're all really great guys. She knows Jesse likes them for the most part but keeps a certain amount of distance since they're all in the same program. She can understand that, but after talking with them for only 5 minutes she knows they're a lot of fun.

She's tired from the flight and misses cuddling with her boyfriend so she makes him take a nap with her. His bed is much more comfortable than hers and she thinks that's not really fair. Before she can think too much about it though she falls asleep with her head on his chest.

When she wakes up, it's slightly dark outside and she's alone. Usually when she naps with Jesse they don't leave the bed until both of them are awake. It's always been like that.

It bothers her more than it should that he just kind of left.

She heard giggles and laughter outside the door and gets up and straightens herself before she goes out to the living room. She finds two girls sitting on the couch with Jesse and one of his roommates laughing like old friends. She's not a jealous person, but there's something about the girl with the long red hair and needy look on her face that has her suspicious.

Her name is Betty.

Betty is nice enough, along with her other roommate Amanda. But she notices the way Betty looks at Jesse and laughs at everything he says. She hangs off of every word in fact.

Her boyfriend is great and all but does the girl have to be that obvious?

Regardless, she has a lovely weekend with Jesse, catching up and seeing some of the sights of L.A They go to a party one night at one of his theater friend's apartments and it's fun up until someone pulls out the drugs. Rachels not a prude. She hasn't been a heavy drinker while at NYU mostly because she never felt the need for it and wanted to be safe. Some of the parties they went to were too creepy to get a beer from.

But when the drugs come out she has a problem.

Jesse doesn't react because "it's not a big deal" but he understands when she says she wants to go. He looks a little hesitant at first, but she puts on her coy smile and tries to persuade him in other ways. That always works at certain times.

The weekend is over too soon.

She waves longingly as he leaves her at the airport. While she missed Jesse and had a wonderful time with him, she has a strange feeling in her chest. She wants to remember this weekend, and them being this happy for a long time.

* * *

Halloween comes along and 2 things happen. She and Jesse get into a massive fight over the phone and she dresses up as Dorothy…but Mercedes decides to "modernize" it.

She doesn't even know what they're fighting about at this point. He has an early workshop the next morning and is in a bad mood. In fact he's been in a bad mood a lot lately. She's never fought this much with Jesse and truth be told the number of times they've had major fights can be counted on one hand, which is why this all seems strange to her.

The whole hall goes out to a Halloween party, except for Noah who is apparently visiting Brittany over at her school. Hearing something like would usually send her into a state of confusion, but she's surprised to find that she doesn't feel much about it.

She has a great night with everyone, dancing and laughing at the general absurdity of Halloween in New York City. The amount of people she saw dressed up like Lady Gaga is atrocious.

She texts Jesse before she goes to bed that night, but all she gets is a short and frustrated response.

She doesn't know what's wrong but she hopes that he figures it out soon.

Except it's 2 weeks later and things are still the same.

Their phone calls are awkward and she knows he's not acting the same. They haven't had a skype date in a very long time, and the strange part about it is he's avoiding it.

She doesn't understand what's wrong or how to figure it out. Every time she mentions it, he snaps and shoots it down.

While sitting with Mercedes in their room, doing homework, she tries to figure it out.

She has her laptop open and in front of her and she's staring at it. She knows one thing she could do but she wonders if she even should. She has the information for a reason…because he trusts her with it. He has the same information too, and she wouldn't care if he used it without asking her or telling her.

She reasons with herself. She probably won't find anything. She just needs to see if there's anything that'll give her a hint to what's wrong.

She logs into his Facebook.

They gave each other their passwords when they first made them, mostly out of trust. It was never a big deal and she doesn't have anything to hide. And apparently it's proving to be useful now.

She looks around on his news feed for a little bit, not seeing anything of interest. She bites her lip as she clicks on the messages tab, feeling a little guilty for even doing this…because she's not going to find anything.

Except she does…she sees a long message sent a few days ago from Betty.

_Jesse,_

_You're probably going to get pissed at me for even mentioning this and sending a message but I had to. I feel like it was the only way to communicate since you seem to be ignoring the whole situation. The thing is, I thought what happened on Halloween was really special to both of us. You know how I feel about you, and yeah having Rachel around is a problem but you kept telling me I'm such a great girl so I believed it. And you didn't stop kissing me. I know that if you hadn't stopped, I wouldn't have even gone out that night._

_I just want you to acknowledge what happened. You owe it to me, and I know you felt something too. I know you feel bad about Rachel, but just think about it ok? We'll talk later._

_Betty_

* * *

Rachel had never understood the term 'seeing red' until this very moment.

Without saying a word to Mercedes, Rachel closes her laptop, gets up from the couch and goes to get her phone and shoes from the bedroom. She puts on some slippers and gets her ID card and heads out the door.

She walks outside of the building, fuming with a red face. She's glad that she doesn't see anyone she knows around because they would immediately know that something is wrong. She presses the 3 in her speed dial as she walks, finally sitting on a bench right outside the building.

It rings a few times and she creases her eyebrows, hoping that he decides to pick up.

When he does, his greeting sounds slightly frustrated as if her calling is some sort of inconvenience for him. She wonders if he's with Betty now.

"Yeah Rachel?" he greets exasperated.

"What happened with Betty?" she grits out. There's no need to beat around the bush. She can't stand to just act like everything is ok when it's clearly not.

She can only hear silence on the other end for a few seconds. "What are you talking about?" he responds carefully.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Jesse. What. Happened. With. Betty?"

He sighs. "Did you go into my facebook?"

"You didn't answer the question Jesse. I'm not the one with a message from someone else about kissing ok. So tell me what happened!" she shouts.

"It's not as bad as you think!"

"So why are you hesitating to explain to me?" At this point her voice is cracking and becoming more desperate and sad. Gone is the initial anger she felt but is replaced with complete sadness.

She listens as he tells his side of the story and begins to cry silently.

"It was Halloween. You know I wasn't going to go out that night because of my early workshop…so everyone else was dressed up and getting ready to go out. I was in my room but all of the girls, including Betty, were with the other guys. Betty came in the room because she wanted to say bye before they left. She was sitting on the bed with me and we were talking, and she just…kissed me. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before but…I just didn't know what to say."

She dries the tears coming down her face with her hand, and clears her throat so that she can speak. "Did you kiss her back?" she croaks.

She already knows the answer because of the time it takes for him to answer the question. "Yes."

"How far did it go?"

"Rachel you-"

"How far did it go Jesse?" she repeats sternly.

"I would classify it as…a make out."

She shakes her head, looking up at the sky and hoping this is some kind of cruel dream. "I don't even know what to say to you right now."

"Say you can forgive me. I'm sorry you had to find out that way, but I regret it so much. I love you Rachel. I do."

"Well based on that message I saw it seems you kind of like Betty too."

"It's just…Rachel I love you ok? I don't even know what's going on with Betty. I can stop talking to her. In fact I will. As long as you'll forgive me and we can work this out."

Rachel closes her eyes and rubs her temples, feeling a headache coming on from the onslaught of emotions she's felt in the past 20 minutes. She takes a deep breathe, thinking about what she wants. But she can't think of anything.

"I don't know if I can do that Jesse. I just..I need to think."

"Ok. You just…you think and we'll talk in a couple of days."

"Yeah. I'll call you when I'm ready."

"I love you Rachel. I really do. Please remember that."

She doesn't answer back and hangs up.

* * *

She doesn't tell anyone what's going on.

Mercedes knows that there's something wrong but doesn't say anything and gives Rachel as much space as she can. She's kind of thankful for that. She completely isolates herself from the hall for a couple days, studying hard in the library and practicing songs in the music rooms.

It's not until 3 days later that she finally cracks.

She comes back to the room after a vocal class where she completely botched the high note at the end of her piece. Her head and her heart were not in it, and she's not surprised when her professor cuts her down in front of the whole class. On a certain level, she can't find it in her to care. But she's never been like this-she's never given less than a 100% on her work. She hates that Jesse has taken that from her.

She walks into her room to find Mercedes, Noah, and Jake watching TV in the living room. They all look at her worn out face with concerned looks and frowns. She simply stands at the door and stares at their faces before she can't take it anymore and starts crying.

The 3 of them stand there stunned, not knowing what to do. Mercedes finally gets up and reaches for Rachel, leading her to the armchair. Her eyes are blurred with tears, but she can slightly see the tissue that Mercedes is holding in front of her.

"B what's going on?" Noah asks softly.

She calms down a bit in order to look at the 3 of them. She's pretty embarrassed and can only imagine how blotchy and red her face looks at the moment.

"It's Jesse," she tells them.

She goes through the whole sordid story, giving them all the details that Jesse gave her. Their expressions vary from shocked, angry, to sympathetic.

Noah is the first one to say anything when she's done.

"This is bullshit. Do you want me to kick his ass?" he asks seriously.

Somewhere deep inside her heart lightens at his concern.

"What are you going to do?" Jake asks.

"I don't know," she shrugs. "It's just…I've been with him for almost 3 years. That's so much of my life, of what we've built. I don't know if I could throw all of that away when I could eventually forgive him. Would you be able to do that with Brittany Noah?" she asks while looking at him earnestly.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Well when you put it that way, the decision does kind of suck doesn't it?"

They all sit in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. Mercedes gets up and grabs her keys, ID, and wallet from the room.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asks.

"I'm going to Duane Reade and getting us some cookies and that frozen yogurt stuff that you like. I think this kind of night calls for it," she tells her.

Rachel smiles, wanting to hug the girl in front of her. She's kind of an awesome roommate.

* * *

She goes on the rest of the week, trying to concentrate on her classes and getting herself together. She can't slip like she did the other day, she has too much at stake. She spends her days in classes and lessons giving her all, and her nights rehashing her situation with anyone who will listen. The whole hall seems to be one big therapist for her, and they're all sympathetic to her situation.

Some think she should just leave him.

Others like Noah and Mercedes seem to be more objective and concerned by what she feels, which is why she spends most of her time talking to the two of them. She doesn't want to be influenced by anyone else's opinions.

It's not until she's sitting on her bed one night, looking at the photo album Jesse gave her that she feels like she can make a decision.

There's a picture of the two of them at the lake, singing together and looking ridiculous and happy. She can only imagine what they were singing, but it was probably Lionel Richie since that's a favorite of theirs.

She doesn't want to lose this. She thinks she owes it to herself to see if they can make this work. Somewhere in her heart she knows that he still loves her, otherwise he would have just broken up with her.

She calls him that night and tells him they can try to make it work.

"I'm going to do everything I can to earn your trust back," he tells her.

She hopes that she can believe him.

* * *

She realizes that she hasn't told Tina or her fathers what's happened.

She doesn't want to tell them. She doesn't want them to worry about her and she doesn't want this situation to change how they see Jesse. If they completely work everything out and stay together, they'll hate him if they know. No matter what. She doesn't want her 3 favorite people to hate him.

And her fathers love Jesse. In some ways she doesn't want them to feel hurt either.

But with things the way they are by mid November, she doesn't know what to do.

They still fight. She's still a little bitter and he's trying so hard but so frustrated. He complains about how this entire mess has distracted him from his theater work and that just sets her off.

"This has distracted  _you?_ What about me Jesse? You know the week you first told me I completely ruined a solo piece I had for class because your infidelity had me so distracted. Don't act like you're some victim here. You're not. Please just stop."

They continue to yell at each other for a few minutes before she gets fed up and hangs up. She walks into her room and sees Noah and Mercedes doing homework at the table. They look at her with knowing looks on their faces.

She simply huffs in frustration and goes to her room.

Jesse calls her back a couple hours later with a decision that makes her stomach drop.

"I think we should take a break," he tells her solemnly.

"What does that even mean?" she asks confused.

"It means…look I love you and I want to be with you but it just seems like all we do is fight. We argue and it's not healthy and maybe we need to take a break from everything and just regroup."

"So does this mean we're not together?"

"Well…we are but…not really. I just don't think we should talk as much, especially if we're just going to fight."

She walks away from that conversation feeling completely screwed over but she can't place why.

It seems like Noah confirms it for her.

"Taking a break? What the fuck does that even mean?" he asks incredulously.

She simply shrugs while picking at her ice cream.

"Look B, from what I know…that's just a weird excuse to do shit he wouldn't do otherwise. I wouldn't take that bullshit. Honestly."

She nods and decides to wait it out for a few days. Once she can figure out his motives, she'll know what to do next.

* * *

A few days later, she's texting back and forth with Jesse about their situation. She's still confused. He hasn't been contacting her as much, and she really just lets him make the first move.

She's hanging out in Grace and Karen's room watching the girls bake some delicious cookies. They're all trying to spend a couple relaxing nights before they all go home for Thanksgiving. Her phone buzzes with another text message, and she looks to see what Jesse has to say.

_I'll be there in a sec. I'm trying to get Rachel to stop nagging me._

She stares at her phone, trying to think in her head of who he may be sending this to.

Before she can react properly, she gets another text.

_Rachel I'm so sorry that text wasn't meant for you._

She sighs and tells the girls that she'll be right back. She presses the 3 in her speed dial while walking into the stairwell and sitting on the stairs. The phone rings a few times before he answers with an apology already out of his mouth.

"Rach, I'm so sorry. I did not mean for you to see that-"

"So I'm nagging you?"

"No it's just-"

"Then why did you say that? And who were you sending that to? Tell me the truth Jesse, you owe me that much."

He's silent on the other end and she already knows the answer before he says it.

"It was Betty," he sighs.

She bites her lip to prevent the tears from coming out of her eyes. She refuses to cry about this anymore than she has to.

"You still talk to her?" she asks.

"Yeah…I do," he answers quietly.

There's no reason for him to be talking to her unless he actually wants to. And it definitely appears like he wants to talk to her.

"You have feelings for her don't you," she realizes.

His silence confirms this assumption. Instead of continuing the conversation any longer she simply hangs up and goes back to baking cookies with the girls.

She knows what she has to do.

* * *

A couple days later she's home for Thanksgiving. Her dads are more than excited to have her home and she spends her first night home with them fretting over her with her favorite foods and desserts. They watch movies all night and catch up on some of the things going on at school.

She only mentions that she and Jesse are having problems. She doesn't give them details, and embellishes a lot with reasons of growing apart and being busy. They're sad for her, but understand and don't ask too many questions.

Thanksgiving passes over without much fanfare. None of her friends are home and opted out of coming home for Thanksgiving. Even Noah stayed in New York with Jake and Brittany was going to come to him.

The only person in town was Jesse because they both decided months ago to come home.

She hasn't contacted him since their last conversation, but she knows she needs to talk to him. She calls him on Friday afternoon, the day after Thanksgiving, and tells him to meet her at their favorite coffee shop.

When she sees him, her heart hurts to know that even though he still looks the same, she sees him differently.

They sit down in a quiet secluded corner. He orders and pays for her coffee without asking.

They make small talk about their classes and workshops they're doing. He tells her about the possible spring production he might take part in and it sounds absolutely brilliant. She's proud of him for doing so well so far.

It's also nice to be able to talk like this with him after everything that's happened in the past month. Except it makes her feel bad about what she's about to do.

"Jesse…I asked you to meet me here for a reason," she tells him.

He only stares at her expectantly, as if he already knows what she's about to say. It doesn't make it any harder. She takes a deep breathe. "I can't do this anymore. I think we need to break up."

He nods, taking a long sip of his drink. "Yeah. I figured. Is this forever? Because I love you so much Rachel. And this has only made me realize how much. I'm sorry I keep hurting you with all of this Betty crap but…if a complete break would make you feel better then…I can deal with that."

She shakes her head. "I don't know if this is forever. I can't answer that…I just know that I can't do this right now."

He reaches for her hand and she pulls back quickly. He sighs frustrated and runs his hand through his hair. "I'm going to get you back Rachel. We will get through this. I will earn your trust, and I will get you back," he states firmly.

She smiles sadly. "I'll see you later Jesse."

She walks away, knowing this is exactly what he said last time. She can't take him at his word again.

When she returns home, the reality of what just happened hits her and the tears begin to fall. She walks into the house and sees her dads sitting at the table in the kitchen. They look at her worriedly as she stands in the doorway.

"I broke up with Jesse," she cries. They immediately engulf her in hugs and her soft cries turn into sobs.

* * *

When she returns to school to finish out the year, she simply tells everyone she broke up with Jesse and leaves it at that. She doesn't want to rehash anything anymore. She doesn't want to think about it. She just wants to finish the year.

Things go back to normal and everyone treats her mostly the same. She studies hard because she absolutely needs to get a great grade on her calculus final in order to do really well in this class. She also needs to nail this classical piece in the vocal class she's taking. After botching up one of her pieces, her professor has basically hated her. She needs to prove the man wrong…she is Rachel Berry after all and she needs to get back to remembering that.

One Saturday night Noah comes into her room while she's studying and snatches the textbook out of her hand.

"Get up B," he orders.

She looks at him surprised. "What are you doing Noah?"

"You need to have some fun. Seriously. I'm taking Jake and Grace to this party one of the guys in my acapella group is having. You're coming with me and you have no excuse. You don't have to drink but you do have to have fun and I'm not taking no for answer. All work and no play makes Berry a bitchy girl."

"Gee Noah say how you really feel," she says sarcastically.

"Just get up."

"Why?"

"Because you never do anything, you're getting boring," he shrugs.

"Excuse me? I'm sorry I was so busy trying to deal with my boyfriend cheating on me while you had your perfect girlfriend and perfect relationship," she hisses.

"That's not what I mean," he responds. "Look I know it's been shitty for you. I know that. I want to smack that Jesse kid up for doing that to you but I also know you can't let him take away everything. You can still have fun Rachel. You don't have to let him hold you back."

She stares at her hands and all she can hear is the beat of her heart. She knows he's right, but to go out there and let herself forget and act like this semester hasn't happened seems wrong to her. She looks up at a strange sound and see Noah going through her closet and looking through her clothes.

"You know I haven't said this B, but your clothes have gotten cooler haven't they? I kind of miss your schoolgirl skirts and animal sweaters," he says playfully.

She smiles despite herself and watches on as he continues to look through things. He finally pulls out a purple dress she has and throws it at her.

"Whatever this is good enough. Just wear it."

He leaves and it seems she doesn't have any choice. She gets up and starts to get ready.

She refuses to admit this to Noah, but she's having fun at this party.

She doesn't drink, but she dances heartily with Grace, Jake, and Noah throughout the night. She has to laugh, because Noah's dancing is so incredibly awkward and she wonders how he gets away with that when he has Brittany as his girlfriend. It's a great time though. She even sees a few people from some of her classes and talks with them in the quieter parts of the house.

At one point she's in the kitchen with Grace cackling over a guy who tried to creep on Grace and dance all over her when she sees a familiar face.

Matt Rutherford.

Matt went to school with Jesse and was pretty good friends with him. She was aware he was going to NYU but hadn't thought about it since she got here and never saw him. He was always a very sweet guy, very quiet and polite to everyone.

She makes eye contact with him and waves him over to her. They laugh and hug when he reaches her and she introduces him quickly to Grace.

"So how are you Rachel? How's Jesse? I haven't talked to him since the summer," he asks.

She raises an eyebrow. "You haven't heard?"

"Heard what?" he asks confused.

"We broke up…over Thanksgiving."

"Wow…I didn't know I haven't really kept up with any of the guys. It's been really busy. What happened?"

She looks around at the loud party and tells Grace she's going to talk to Matt outside. She leads him out of the apartment and they don't say anything until they get outside and sit on a bench.

She then tells him the entire story, up until Thanksgiving and where they are now. It's sort of cathartic to be able to tell the story to someone who knows Jesse. She doesn't understand why this all happened. She thought Jesse loved her, and she thought everything they had built meant something.

"But can you believe that? Can you believe that Jesse, the guy you know, would just cheat on me and play with my emotions like a guitar? I don't understand Matt," she finishes resignedly.

She looks at her companion and sees he's a bit pale and nervous. "Matt what's wrong?"

"Rachel…Jesse never…Jesse never told what happened during the summer did he?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Shit," he mutters under his breath. "Let me preface this by saying that I had no idea you didn't know. He told me he told you. He told all of us that he told you and that you were working through it. It was when we were in London. It was the last day, we were celebrating the great performance and we were all pretty drunk. Even Jesse. He hooked up with some chick at a club we were at. He was pretty beat up over it in the morning and we were pissed because we all love you Rachel. But he promised he would tell you when we got back. He even texted all of us a few days later saying he told you, you were really pissed but you decided to forgive him and you were working through it. He asked us not to say anything about it to you because it was such a sore spot. So we never did."

She stares at him, mouth agape, and completely shocked.

She has absolutely no words.

At that moment, Jake, Noah, and Grace come out of the apartment and see Rachel and Matt on the bench. They head over to them but stop when they see Rachel's face.

"I'm so so sorry Rachel," Matt apologizes sincerely.

She nods. "Thank you for telling me," she whispers.

She gets up and walks over to the trio, and simply tells them they're going home. They know she means business and they all don't say a word the whole walk home.

She needs to see Tina. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel gets her closure as her freshman year ends. As sophomore year begins, her love life becomes a bit more complicated.

_Where are you?_

_In my room..at school? Why?_

_I have to see you. I'm coming over there to Philadelphia._

_Is everything ok? What's wrong?_

_Everything. I'll tell you when I get there._

x

She gets up early that morning and is able to purchase a Bolt bus ticket to Philadelphia, which she finds lucky because tickets run out so quickly. She writes a note for Mercedes and gathers up a few books she can read on the way there. When she slips out of the room quietly, she immediately runs into Noah, dressed in a wife beater and gym shorts and obviously coming back from a workout. He's panting slightly and she should find the wetness of his wife beater from all the sweat repulsive, but she surprisingly doesn't. He looks at her cautiously, remembering her cold demeanor towards everyone last night.

"Hey," he drawls.

She smiles shyly and tucks her hair behind her ear. "Hey Noah," she starts softly. "I would stay and chat but I have to go catch my bus."

She begins to walk off but is stopped by his hand grasping hers.

"Wait where are you going?" he asks.

"I have to go see Tina," she answers.

"What happened last night Rach? After you talked to that guy you were super freaked out. What'd he say, do I have to kick his ass?"

His obvious concern for her well being warms her heart. Through all of this, Noah has been one of her best friends and it makes her long for middle school, when they were simple people without problems like these. When she knew that if he was her boyfriend, he would never hurt her the way Jesse has.

"His name is Matt. He went to high with Jesse and he told me that Jesse cheated on me during the summer. He thought I knew because Jesse told him, actually his whole team, that I knew what happened," she explains without looking at him. More than anything it's embarrassing to be in this situation, to feel like she should have known from the start.

She finally looks up and looks at Noah with sad eyes. His face is grim and he looks like he would punch the wall if he could.

"What a bastard," he mutters to himself while looking away from Rachel. She bites her lip and wraps her arms around herself.

"You don't deserve this B," she hears him say. She nods her head in agreement. "I don't. I know that. Look Noah, I really need to go if I'm going to catch this bus. But I'll be back tonight and I'll talk to you. I just need to see Tina. She doesn't know anything about any of this. But don't say anything to anyone until I get back."

He nods in understanding and gives her a shoulder a comforting squeeze before walking off to his room. She looks on at his retreating form with a sigh before running off to catch her bus.

x

The bus ride feels like it took forever when it was really only 90 minutes. She had texted Tina halfway through the journey to let her know she was on her way, and the girl let her know she would meet her where the bus would drop her off. Rachel looked out the window to see the looming building of a big train station. Cars were everywhere and people were coming in and out. In many ways, it was a lot like New York but…manageable.

She saw her friend standing by a pole that the bus was heading towards. Rachel felt her heart swell in her chest at the sight of her best friend. She usually didn't get overly emotional about her friendship with Tina, but at this moment she had never been so glad to see her best friend in her life. She regretted not telling her about Jesse all these months.

As the bus came to a stop and passengers got up to get their things, Rachel hurriedly retrieved her backpack and pushed her way to the front despite the disgruntled looks she received from everyone else. At that moment she didn't care.

When she stepped off the bus and caught sight of Tina, she immediately dropped her backpack and hugged her friend tightly with tears in her eyes. Tina received the hug with surprise, but merely hugged Rachel back. She leaned back to look at Rachel, and saw her tears with concern.

"Rach? What's wrong?"

"God everything Tina. Everything. I don't know why I haven't told you anything all these months but I'm so sorry!"

Rachel continued to cry and Tina quickly took Rachel's bag and hailed them a cab. She shuffled them over and got inside, hoping that whatever her friend had to tell her was just her being dramatic and not being…serious.

x

Hours later, the girls are lying on Tina's bed in her dorm room surrounded by tissues for both of their tears and various items of food. They lie side by side on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating Rachel's long explanation of the series of events of her life.

"I wish you had told me before," Tina finally croaked. "I could have helped you, I could have-"

"It wouldn't have made a difference Tina. I didn't want you or my dads to know. It's just…if we had worked it out you 3 would have hated him no matter what and I didn't want that. I didn't want your opinions of him to change."

Tina smiled grimly and took Rachel's hand and squeezed it. "He does not deserve your protection and kindness. You know that right? You're too good for him."

"But…what if I'm not. It's just…you knew Jesse. What we had was wonderful so why did he cheat? Why did he lie? Why did he suddenly decide that I was easy to hurt and just kick to the corner?"

Rachel began crying into her friend's shoulder and Tina sighed wearily as she turned towards her and rubbed her back comfortingly.

"It's not your fault Rachel. He had us all fooled ok? Sometimes people just...do things. But it's nothing you did. You were an awesome girlfriend ok?"

Rachel nodded tearfully and reached for another tissue to dry her tears. The girls lied in silence for a few more moments before Tina got up from the bed determined.

"Ok. We need to do something else. Tell me about your classes, hallmates, roommate, everything. How is Puck doing?"

The two friends traded stories about their college experiences, laughing at the various mishaps that had come about recently. Meanwhile, they looked through Tina's computer at different sites, Tina showing Rachel some of the work that people at her art school were doing.

"I have to show you this set of photos one of the girls did recently. She got to go to France for it. How cool is that?" she told Rachel as she typed in the website.

They looked in awe at the beautiful photos, commenting on how amazing it would be to just go there and see it for themselves. The Louvre, catacombs, The Eiffel Tower. They knew everything would be beautiful in person.

"What if we went? What if we just did it?" Rachel wondered.

Tina looked at her with a peculiar look on her face. "There's nothing stopping us from going. We could go this summer if we start saving money now."

The girls looked at each other for a few moments before wide grins spread on their faces.

"Let's do it," Rachel said with finality.

x

She returns to her dorm in New York that night with a lighter heart. Instead of the plaguing thoughts of what Jesse had done to her, she can't help but be excited about her plan with Tina. The girls decided they would go to Paris and explore everything they could, living cheaply and staying in hostels. They both had a good amount of money saved already, and Rachel being the planner she was had already estimated the amount of money they would need for the trip.

She walks into her room, exhausted but with a smile on her face. When she enters though, she finds Mercedes and Puck sitting in the living room, books in their laps. When they see her, their attention was immediately on her.

"You're back!" they both said.

She raises an eyebrow. "You guys are…really happy to see me."

"Well you kind of left early this morning with just a note of 'I'm going to Philadelphia' so yeah we're happy to see you," Mercedes replied.

"How's Tina? How's Philadelphia? How did…she react to everything?" Noah asked expectantly.

Not wanting to dwell on the more somber parts of the day, Rachel brushed off the last part of the question. "Tina is great, I didn't see much of Philly, and we're going to Europe this summer," she told them nonchalantly as she walked into her bedroom.

She grinned as she heard her two friends' surprised exclamations at that piece of news. That would delay them for awhile.

x

As time went on, Rachel threw herself back into her classes and work. When she wasn't in class or in her vocal and acting workshops, she was working in the library as a work study student and also in a small café on the weekends. She was determined to make enough money to go to Europe.

She thought about Jesse…she thought about him often. But she refused to let him take away more than he already had from her. She thought about their relationship and all the good times and tried to reason how everything could have happened. But maybe it was better this way. Sooner or later it could have ended out worse if she hadn't found out about his infidelity.

Life went on in the hall too. She stayed close with all of the girls and spent a lot of her free time exploring New York and shopping with them.

And then there were the hilarious moments with the boys.

There was one particular night at about 1am when she and Mercedes were sitting comfortably in their pajamas doing some work, when Jake barged into their room.

"You guys have to come over to our room, Puck just discovered the funniest shit."

The two girls looked at each other amused and went over across the hall.

The first thing Rachel noticed when she walked in was that Puck was simply in his boxers. This wasn't a strange occurrence, the boy was comfortable with his body and didn't have a problem flaunting it. It's just that lately she'd been…noticing it more. Now that she wasn't engulfed in sadness she was recognizing her attraction to Puck again more and more…which wasn't acceptable since he was still very much in love with Brittany.

Secondly, Puck was standing in the middle of the room with a swiveling desk chair grinning mischievously.

"Hey B…sit in the chair," he orders her.

She looks at him skeptically. "Why?"

"Just do it ok. Live a little."

He said that to her all the time.

She sighed and went to sit in the chair. As soon as her butt touched the seat, Puck immediately began spinning her around furiously. She squealed at the motion and yelled his name.

"Noah what are you doing!"

"Just go with it B!"

He spun her in the seat faster and faster until all she could see was blurs of her surroundings. She wasn't even aware the chair had stopped until she heard Puck tell her to try and get up and walk. She did as he said and got up wobbly, reaching for something to hold onto so she wouldn't fall but there was nothing there. She tried to move her feet, but everything was moving and she began to laugh hysterically as she stumbled around even though it seemed like she was walking straight. She could hear everyones good natured laughter around her and she fell to the ground laughing uncontrollably. The feeling of not having control, of having the world literally spin around her wasn't as scary as she once thought.

In fact, it was exhilarating.

She felt strong hands pull her up onto her feet, and she looked up to see Puck's amused and warm smile.

"Somehow I figured you would love that B."

Somehow he knows her better than most people. Somehow he knows just what she needs.

x

Thinking about Jesse plagues Rachel too much. She knows this. Even though she has a lot to keep her busy, it doesn't stop her mind from wandering to that dark place.

She happens to be bored and on Facebook one afternoon when she gets morbidly curious and checks his profile. He was tagged in new pictures, and it seems he's been taking trips with all of his friends. And taking lots of cozy pictures with Betty.

With everything she knows about him now, this isn't a surprise.

Her forehead creases with every picture she sees. Any hope of having a good day is officially gone and she's angry with herself for letting Jesse take that away from her.

She needs to let that stop.

She picks up her phone and goes to her contact list to call him. She paces the living room of her dorm and bites her lip, doubting what the hell she's even doing as the phone rings. And when he actually answers she almost drops the phone.

"Rachel?" Jesse answers confused.

She can't find her voice and even though she's opening up her mouth to speak, nothing will come out.

"Are you…are you there? Don't hang up! How are you?" he says desperately after noticing her silence.

She clears her throat, annoyed already that he seems so concerned for her. If that was the case, none of this should have happened.

"Well, I was feeling pretty sorry for breaking up with you until I ran into dear Matt Rutherford and heard the story about that girl from London. Apparently I was supposed to know about that but it's news to me…isn't it Jesse?" she answers back with a steely tone.

"He-he told you about that?" he stutters.

"I can't believe you. I can't believe you lied to not only me but your teammates as well. I can't believe I wasted my summer and first semester of freshman year worrying about how you would feel about our relationship changing so much and trying to make sure you were happy and secure. But this whole time…it didn't even matter did it?"

"Rachel I-"

"This is the last time you will ever speak to me. Don't call, don't text, don't do anything. If you see me on the street you'll ignore me. I never want to see or hear from you again. So you need to say whatever you need to say because this is it. This is the last time."

She's never spoken to him with so much anger in their entire time of knowing each other. But she needs to do this. He needs to see how angry she is…so she can move on. This door of her life needs to be closed.

"I…I'm so sorry Rachel. I'm so sorry for everything that happened. I just…I don't know how to explain any of it. But I did love you. So much. I  _do_  love you."

She scoffs. "Is that it?"

"I guess so."

She sighs. "Goodbye then Jesse."

"Goodbye Rachel," he says sadly.

x

She feels like she's on a roll after that confrontation.

She gets rid of everything that has to do with Jesse in her room with the help of Mercedes and Grace and puts everything in a box. All of the pictures, the special photo album, gifts, everything.

Except for the jewelry.

She never particularly cared that Jesse gave her so much jewelry. It was just something he did for almost every special occasion. He loved to spend money on her that way. Now that they are done and over, she doesn't know what to do with all of it.

Until a brilliant idea comes to mind.

She wakes up semi early on a Saturday morning and heads out into the city. She goes to a jewelry store that she knows of and asks to speak to the manager. While she waits, she eyes a few pretty earrings that she knows would go great with a few outfits she has. When the pretty manager comes out, Rachel takes out the envelope in her purse and empties the contents.

"How much can I get for all of these?" Rachel asks excitedly.

When she walks out of the store a half hour later, she has a great new pair of earrings and a huge dent put into her Europe trip fund. From now on, Jesse will just be known as that guy that helped her get to Europe.

x

The rest of the semester passes through a lot easier than her first. She's more focused, happy, and relieved. Its been a long time since she's been single, and without the weight of having to worry about someone else in her life she feels more free to do everything she set out to do in New York.

She spends much of her time with everyone in the hall, exploring more of the city outside of the campus. She's found that frat and house parties usually aren't her style, unless she knows a lot of the people there. Otherwise…who knows who is in that party.

She and her friends have a knack for meeting creepers. Especially when she and Mercedes go out places.

One particular weekend, Tina comes to visit and the girls decide to head to a piano bar. Thankfully, Tina and Mercedes get along great. Rachel is glad that her two best friends can be friends themselves.

The music is fantastic and the girls manage to finagle the bartender into giving them some drinks. It seems like no one really cares that much if they're under 21. They will be soon anyway. Soon as in a couple of years.

The mic is open at one point and Tina practically pushes Rachel up to the stage to sing a song. She tells the piano man her choice and he laughs as he begins the notes to 'Maybe This Time.'

Her performance gets her a standing ovation from everyone in the bar.

She returns to her bed that night, exhausted and a little tipsy but happy and sure for the first time in awhile. This is what she's born to do. She's born to sing. It could be in a bar, a classroom, or a Broadway stage. It doesn't matter. She just knows she'll always be singing something.

x

By keeping herself busy, Rachel hasn't had time to think about Noah all that much.

He's still around as much as ever, and he's still just as attractive, but even without the overwhelming sadness of her break-up looming over her, she's still too occupied to think about the feelings that have never gone away for her friend. She also knows she owes it to Brittany to never get too far. It's a slippery slope, and she refuses to be that person. Especially since she knows exactly how that feels.

Puck's acapella group is having their spring show towards the end of the year, and the whole hall decides to go as a group to support him. Rachel's excited to see what they have to offer. She was so busy with work and Jesse last semester that she missed all the shows but she bought her ticket from Noah well in advance. She regrets that. She's never missed a show that he's ever been in but she did one time because of Jesse and trying to make a failed relationship work.

She's heard Noah practice once or twice. His voice is as wonderful as she remembers.

She sits between Mercedes and Grace and the 3 girls spend most of the show commenting on the costumes or good looking guys in the group. Noah has a short solo at one point, and the group makes a point of hooting and hollering embarrassingly. He shouldn't even be surprised. They're an obnoxious bunch of freshmen.

After the show they wait in the lobby to see him and congratulate him. Rachel looks away from Jake as they're talking and sees a familiar face standing by the bathrooms. Brittany is there. She doesn't know how she didn't see her this whole time.

She doesn't necessarily want to but there's no reason for her to not go and say hi to her.

As usual, Brittany greets her warmly and excited. It's so hard to hate this girl.

"Puck was really awesome. I'm so glad though, he and the guys have been working so hard this week!" she exclaims. Even Rachel can tell how proud Brittany is of her boyfriend.

"Yeah I know they were really great. He's hardly been around the dorms this week so I'm glad it was so good," she replies.

"By the way, I heard about you and your ex-boyfriend. I'm so sorry, it sounded like such a rough break-up," Brittany tells her sympathetically.

Rachel raises an eyebrow but keeps her smile intact to not cause alarm. "Yeah it was rough but power through it! That's what I say."

She wishes she could see her own smile right now. It's so fake.

"Puck was really worried about you sometimes. He would tell me about how he wanted to 'smack that Jesse kid in the face.' It was cute…like you're his little sister or something!"

Rachel blushes at that remark. Maybe that's true for Noah but on her end? Definitely not sibling related thoughts sometimes.

The insinuated idea of them being related is…terrible.

Thankfully Noah comes through to save Rachel from the awkward conversation, except it's more awkward to watch them hug, kiss, and be generally cute with each other. She almost hugs Mercedes and Grace when they lead the rest of their group over to them.

Noah thanks everyone for coming like it's no big deal, even though Rachel can tell by the look on his face that he appreciates it greatly. He parts ways with the group, saying he wants to spend some time with Brittany since she's going back to school tomorrow morning.

Rachel is mostly quiet during the walk back to the dorms. Everyone around her is talking and laughing but she's mostly lost in her thoughts. It's not until Mercedes bumps her and says something to her that she even comes out of autopilot.

And then comes the word vomit.

"You know how Noah and I went to the middle school together? I had a pretty big crush on him," she tells Mercedes nonchalantly. She doesn't know why she's telling her this. It shouldn't even matter anymore.

"Really?" Mercedes says surprised.

"Yes. In fact, I asked him out 3 times in middle school and he said no."

"Huh. Seems like Puckerman was a bit of a fool back in the day."

"Not really. I had a terrible short haircut that made me look awkward. One day I'll show you. But I was pretty in love with him for 2 years."

"That's kind of cute. Except he's with Brittany and everything-"

"Which is fantastic because I like Brittany. Of all the girls from that high school he could have dated besides Tina, she's a great choice. Plus…I don't have time for boys right now. I'm focusing on school and my career of course," Rachel says quickly as if she's convincing herself.

Mercedes mutters in agreement and changes the subject to something else. Rachel doesn't know why she told her friend all of that. It's like she has to validate it in someone else.

In some ways she wants to hate Brittany…she wants to think that she had Noah first.

But technically she didn't.

x

It's after her last final and she's staring at her practically empty room. Everything is boxed up, Mercedes has already left since she didn't have as many exams, and she's one of the only people left in the hall.

It's all very bittersweet.

She's excited for the summer and going to Europe with Tina for 2 weeks of course, but leaving everything here in New York for a few months will be…strange.

Waking up in her bedroom at home instead of her dorm with Mercedes will take getting used to. She can't just bake great thing with Grace whenever she wants to avoid homework.

She also can't look up hilarious YouTube videos with Noah and Jake.

Rachel sighs, not wanting to depress herself any longer with the impending departure. Her fathers are coming tomorrow and she still has a few things that need to be ready.

She heads out to get some food and more packing tape when she runs into Matt Rutherford. Their interaction this time is less awkward and strained. In fact it's nice to see Matt. She's not surprised that she never sees him considering NYU is a huge campus, but when he invites her out to an end of the year party with some of his friends she readily accepts.

x

When Rachel wakes up the next morning, she knows she did something kind of stupid.

She's still in her clothes from last night, her make-up is smeared, and she's completely unsteady on her feet. Not even the shower she takes helps the feeling she has. She wishes she could fall over and die.

Once she's dressed and looking blearily in the mirror, she hears a knock on the door. She shuffles over and opens the door to find Jake, chipper and awake in front of her.

"Hey! You wanna get some breakfast with me?" he asks her.

"I think I'm still drunk," she croaks out.

x

It's also funny to her that the events of last night become more clear as she explains everything to Jake.

She went to go meet Matt at his dorm, met some of his friends, and proceeded to "pre-game" with them. That was probably the first mistake. She didn't drink that much, but the thing that did her in was all the drinking games they played once they got to the actual party.

The beer tasted horrible, but the games were fun.

They all partied until the early morning of 4am. Matt walked her home, equally drunk, and the two stumbled and laughed their way back to Rachel's door.

The big mistake occurs when she lets him kiss her.

There's nothing wrong with Matt, in fact he was always a really great guy in high school. Out of all of Jesse's friends she liked him the best, mostly because he kept everyone grounded.

There's also nothing wrong with the way he's kissing her. It's slow, nothing like Jesse, and so soft. So she unlocks her door and pulls him in.

She lets his hands wander under her clothes and the feel of his hand on her breast should be more exhilarating than it is, but the haze of alcohol lets her ignore that and keep going.

At least she's smart enough not to let him unbutton her jeans. If there's one place she knows they can't go…it's there.

He's a gentleman about it, kisses her lightly on the cheek and tells her he'll see her around this summer…hopefully.

He probably won't but it's nice of him to say so.

When she finishes her story, the only reaction she can get out of Jake is pure laughter.

"Fuck Berry, who knew you would become that typical college kid on your last day here? Mercedes is gonna be pissed. She's such a good influence on you."

Rachel laughs at this statement. Mercedes probably wouldn't be…mad.

She'll probably just laugh at her.

x

Europe is more gorgeous than she expected.

The girls are on day 3 of their trip and return home in 11 days. The plane ride was a whirlwind adventure Rachel can't even remember but before she knew it they were in Frankfurt, Germany and on a train to Paris. When they arrive in the city they wander aimlessly without a care of getting to their hostel or settling in.

Over the next few days they develop a system.

Rachel learns quickly at Tina is not very good with directions…at all. Giving her the map in order to find their way around the city pretty much ended up with them lost for a few hours. Not that being lost in Paris was a problem per se but it seriously delayed the time they took to see the museums. Tina spent more time taking pictures of everything than getting them where they needed to go.

So Rachel takes complete control of the map so that Tina can be free to take pictures and not pay attention to what streets they have to be on. When the girl gets a camera in her hand, everything else falls away.

They see everything. The Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, and the catacombs. Rachel was particularly freaked out walking through the catacombs. She's never been a big scaredy cat about the dark, but to walk through the dark tunnels and be able to feel the bones within the walls sends a chill down her spine.

The city is beautiful though. Rachel eats a baguette at least once a day and the amount of gelato she consumes should be embarrassing.

And she's never felt as close to Tina.

The girls have been best friends for years and never let the physical distance between them change that, but as the two of them gaze into Monet's Water Lilies, Rachel realizes how lucky she is to be in this city with the one person that has always been there.

She and Tina cry a little at that moment.

x

The rest of the summer is a little more boring than her European adventure.

She works at one of the local coffee shops in town part time while helping out with the community theater's summer musical. The theater mostly encourages participation by high school students so Rachel helps with set design and critiques some of the scenes every now and then. After all, they're doing Grease and the girl they have playing Sandy can't always reach the note she's supposed to during "Summer Lovin". So of course she needs Rachel's help.

She goes to visit Mercedes up at her house for a week and just as she thought, the girl laughs hysterically for 5 minutes after Rachel tells her what happened with Matt before she left.

"Girl, that totally explains the weird text I got from you that night," Mercedes remarks.

"What text message?" Rachel asks confused.

"It was something like 'I have a deep lesbian love for you Mercedes' except you spelled most of it wrong. I figured it wasn't you and it was Jake or something but it was sent at 3:30am."

Rachel blushes. "Yeah that was probably Matt. He did have my phone at one point."

"Not gonna lie Rach I'm a little proud of you. You were always so against hooking up especially after your break-up and look at you now girl! Guess it's safe to say you're over Jesse though huh?"

Rachel scoffs. "Jesse who?"

x

When Rachel moves in her dorm for sophomore year, she immediately knows this year is going to be a little different.

While Mercedes and Rachel's friendship is still intact and completely fine, Grace and Karen are a little more strained. Rachel can understand though mostly because Karen became a lot more bitchy at the end of the year and that hasn't changed. Grace isn't really tolerating it though, and Rachel expects her to be hiding out in her room a lot more this year.

And almost everyone from last year is back in the same hall…except for Noah.

Jake is still living in the hall in a room by himself, but Noah decided to get an apartment with a bunch of guys from his acapella group. This basically means they'll hardly ever see him.

The girls work on getting their room set up, and Rachel adds the extra special touch of photos from Paris that Tina had framed for her. Their living room turns into a bit of a shrine to Tina's work but Mercedes thinks it's beautiful and it makes the room more sophisticated.

In the middle of setting up the bathroom shelf she gets a text message.

_Yo B! Get the crew and come to my new place tonight we're having a party._

She automatically smiles from seeing his name appear on her phone screen. She didn't really hear from Noah over the summer but that's not surprising. He was busy himself with his acapella group's summer tour in Cuba and various trips with Britanny and her family. She knows this because she stared at the photo of him on the beach with the guys for quite awhile.

It was a nice picture…so sue her.

She immediately goes to find Mercedes and let her know tonight's plans. Of course they're going to that party.

x

Rachel is quickly learning that she leads a terribly awkward life.

When they arrive at the party, the first people Rachel sees are Noah and Matt Rutherford, talking and laughing as if they've known each other for years.

They also notice her at the same time.

"Yo B!" "Hey Rachel!" they yell at the same time.

They then look at each other confused.

"You know Rachel?" Matt asks.

"Yeah man me and Rachel go way back…middle school actually,"

"That's funny because I knew her in high school. Really good friends with her ex and shit."

The boys eye each other strangely and Rachel chooses that moment to break the tension and hug them both.

"It's so good to see you both! I didn't know you knew each other though," Rachel exclaims.

Questioning them manages to distract them from the previous tension.

"Yeah he's friends with one of the guys and I've met him at some other parties. Matt is a hilarious dude," Noah explains. He wraps his arm around both Matt and Rachel and walks them over to the kitchen where drinks are set up.

"So uh…help yourselves guys. I'm gonna go say hi to everyone else. Haven't seen Jake yet you know?"

"Yeah man we'll see you around. And hey! We should get a game of pong going later. Rachel is actually a really good partner," Matt says with a wink.

Rachel blushes and her eyes widen a little as she looks at Noah who is giving her an unreadable expression.

"Yeah um…hopefully we'll get a game going. I'll see you guys," he says coolly before walking off.

Matt and Rachel watch him walk away from them with confused expressions.

"Is he an ex or something? Like before Jesse?" Matt asks.

"God no! Noah and I are just friends. Since middle school. Why?"

Matt shrugs. "I don't know he seemed really weird just now. Whatever. You want a beer or something. Tell me about your summer! You went to Europe right?"

She nods excitedly and accepts the cup of beer he hands her.

x

A couple hours later Rachel is not very sober and up against a wall making out with Matt.

They're still at the party and played 2 rounds of pong only to lose but Noah was nowhere to be found. They danced for awhile, incredibly close, until the heat from all the people on the dance floor caused Matt to pull Rachel into a dark hallway of the apartment and kiss her.

She kisses him back, and lets his lips trace over her neck. She should probably stop because they're in such a public place but she's drunk enough that she doesn't even care. She wraps her legs around his waist and feels him grind against her as he continues to kiss her neck.

She opens her eyes a little and sees someone standing at the end of the hall. There are a few people in the hallway but this person stands out because 1. It's Noah and 2. He's staring right at them.

She gasps, and Matt thinking it's a sign of pleasure groans himself and lifts his head up to take her lips again. She keeps her eyes open, looking once again to Noah.

His expression is completely unreadable, but something in Rachel knows he's not necessarily pleased to see her making out with Matt. It sends a thrill in her, to know that he must feel something about her. She's not making this up in her head.

Matt's lips leave hers and she hears him whisper in her ear about going back to his place. She keeps looking down the hall and sees that Noah is walking away and out of sight.

She feels an ache deep in her belly, and she knows it's not from Matt. But he's here and he can take care of it.

So she says yes.

Rachel finds Mercedes to let her know where she's going. Mercedes happens to be dancing with Grace, Jake, and Noah.

She says goodbye to everyone and they all reply…except for Noah.

But she still feels his eyes on her as she walks out the door with Matt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel battles the sophomore slump, navigates through her single status, and finally gets her wish when it comes to Puck.

She doesn't see or hear from Noah for a week or so.

When she gets back from Matt's the morning after the party, Mercedes is right in her face asking for details and offering pancakes she made. Rachel declines. She happens to already be full since Matt bought her breakfast while he walked her home this morning.

"You know you have to tell me everything. Did you have sex with him?" Mercedes asks curiously.

Rachel's deep blush is pretty much a giveaway.

Mercedes laughs and prattles on about how crazy their hook up is while making more pancakes.

Rachel listens and pretends to agree while she goes into her room to change clothes. She doesn't need to shower since…she did that at Matt's too.

Matt is not a bad guy. And if this were a different world where her childhood crush she never got over didn't go to the same school as her, Matt would be the perfect guy. The obvious choice. And despite the fact he has a girlfriend and he's one of her very good friends, Rachel can't seem to forget about Noah. She's never been able to fully forget since 7th grade.

That doesn't mean she can't necessarily enjoy whatever this is with Matt. Their first hook up was more drunken and bumbly than this one. Plus Rachel chose to forget how awkward and strange the situation was and just..felt.

So yes…Matt was good. And a perfect gentleman who bought her breakfast the morning after.

But she feels bad about the whole encounter with Noah after a week of not hearing from him. This wouldn't be strange if she hadn't sent him a couple texts.

She's walking back from her vocal lesson on Friday afternoon to go back to the dorm and get ready. She has an ice cream date with Matt that night. She's a little reluctant to go on an actual date with the guy, but at the urging of Mercedes and Grace she decides to consider it.

She's passing by a coffee cart when she sees Noah and Jake talking and laughing while they wait for their coffee. Jake sees her first and waves her over with a smile. Noah looks over as well, but his smile is…smaller…strained. She's never seen something like that directed over to her.

"Hey guys! What's up?" she greets.

"Hey Rach! Just getting coffee and catching up. I haven't even seen you much this week girl," Jake replies.

"I know," Rachel sighs. "Starting up classes and everything…it's really busy. I haven't seen you either Noah. Did you get my texts or anything?"

"Yeah uh…I must have gotten them while I was on the phone or sleeping or something. If I don't answer right away I just forget about it. Sorry," Noah answers nonchalantly with a shrug.

Rachel feels the coldness in his words. Noah has never been mad at her before and she doesn't know what to make of it.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to the dorm Rach? I hear you have a hot date tonight huh?" Jake teases. Rachel blushes as her friend nudges her on the shoulder playfully. Noah looks on with a steely gaze and when Rachel notices she coughs lightly.

"Yes, actually I do have to be getting back. I'll see you later Jake. And Noah! Please don't be a stranger to the dorm. Mercedes and I are making breakfast tomorrow. Come over!" she says to him with a pleading look in her eyes. She needs him to not be mad at her.

He shrugs. "Maybe. I mean Brittany is coming tonight so-"

"Nonsense! You know Brittany is always welcome. Bring her. You'll come right?" she asks looking into his eyes.

She silently says an apology in her head, and as if he hears her, his gaze becomes a little softer. She smiles warmly and hopefully at him. She can see the smile beginning to emerge on his face but the moment is interrupted by Jake.

"Whatever he'll be there. He can't really pass free breakfast can he?" Jake comments with a scoff.

The three of them laugh lightly. Rachel gives the boys a reluctant wave goodbye before hurrying off to her dorm.

x

Things return to normal over the next couple of weeks.

Classes really get underway and Rachel makes a point of forging relationships with her professors this semester. She goes to office hours, asks questions, and basically everything she can to make sure they know who she is. Her requirement class this semester is a little tough, and going for help every other day is the only way she's going to get through it. Who knew an astronomy class would be so difficult? At least she decided to take the class with Mercedes.

It's one particular Tuesday morning at 9am when the girls are in class and completely exhausted. They both woke up a little later than usual and didn't have any time to get coffee before class.

Naturally they're miserable.

They sit in the back of the class, trying not to nod off during the lecture. Rachel feels her phone vibrate in her lap and sighs, knowing it's Matt who she's been texting since class started.

_Sorry you couldn't get coffee before class :-( How about I meet you at your class when you get out with some coffee?_

Rachel stares at the text message for a moment and grimaces. Mercedes looks over at her and gives her a curious look. Rachel discreetly hands over the phone and lets Mercedes read the most recent text.

And then Mercedes looks at her like she's crazy.

'What's wrong with that?' she mouths to her.

Rachel doesn't really have an answer for her. Because for intents and purposes there's nothing wrong with a boy she's dating bringing her coffee when she gets out of class. But Rachel can't find anything cute about this….no matter how cute it is.

So she just shrugs.

Mercedes sighs and goes back to writing notes for the lecture. Meanwhile Rachel quickly texts Matt back to let him know he doesn't have to do that.

Because she really doesn't want him to.

x

A few days later she's in Matt's bed, rethinking this entire situation.

He's in the bathroom cleaning up and she's lying in his bed, staring at the posters on his wall in contemplation.

Other than appreciation for the fact that he just made her come, she doesn't feel a lot for Matt romantically. She wishes she did. Clearly he's a wonderful guy…but she just can't do it.

He comes back to bed and gets in behind her, spooning around her and laying a kiss on her shoulder.

"So one of the guys was telling me about this really great restaurant I think we should go to. Max Brenner," he tells her softly.

Rachel's eyes widen. "Matt that place is so expensive! I mean really we're only college students and it's not practical-"

"No it's fine. I made a reservation for next weekend and everything. Don't worry about a thing. You just get dressed up and I'll take you out. You deserve it," he says with a warm smile.

She doesn't really have a choice at that moment does she?

x

The next morning she meets Mercedes at a diner by campus they like to come to sometimes for breakfast. The girls sit down and order quickly while talking mindlessly over minor details of the week. Besides seeing each other in class they haven't spent as much time as they would like, hence meeting for breakfast.

"How's everything with Matt? You didn't come back last night," Mercedes asks her with a smirk.

Rachel tries to hide the sour look on her face by looking passive and reaching for her coffee. She shrugs. "It's…ok. He wants to take me to Max Brenner next weekend."

Mercedes chokes on her orange juice. "Um…isn't that place hard to get a reservation for…and pretty expensive?"

Rachel nods worriedly.

"But…you're going right?"

"I told him I would…kind of," Rachel answers skeptically.

The conversation is interrupted by the arrival of their food and the girls start to eat in silence. Rachel picks at her French toast, feeling Mercedes glance at her every now and then. It's not until she hears her fork clatter that she looks up and see Mercedes staring at her with a pensive look on her face.

"You don't even like this guy," she states.

Rachel sputters. "That's not true!"

Mercedes shakes her head. "Look Rachel, I know the past year when it comes to guys has been…tough. Jesse was an absolute jerk and I think you're over him…but I also don't think you like Matt. Sure the first couple of hook ups were fun and good for you to get back out there but…an actual relationship? You don't want that with him."

"What makes you say that?" Rachel asks curiously.

"I just…I know you by now. If you want something, you're usually passionate, excited and obsessed. I haven't seen any of that with Matt. He's a good guy Rachel but he's just not the guy you want. Remember when he wanted to bring you coffee? Any self respecting girl would swoon over that but you looked at it like he was some kind of freak. You were completely reluctant to go on a date with him in the first place. You find excuses not to go out with him all the time. You don't want to be with him Rachel," Mercedes finishes sternly.

Rachel bites her lip and fiddles with the napkin on her lap, not able to meet Mercedes eyes anymore. She feels a little ashamed.

She hears her friend sigh. "I don't think you're a terrible person or anything Rach. I love you and you're my friend. I want to see you happy. But it's not going to be with him. You can't go on this date with him, let him spend all this money on you, and then decide you don't want to be with him. It just wouldn't be right."

Rachel looks up to see a comforting look on her friend's face. She's thankful someone was able to talk some sense into her and she's glad it was Mercedes. No matter what the girl actually thinks she doesn't completely judge Rachel for whatever she does. She just listens and tells her what she needs to hear.

"You're right," Rachel whispers. "I'm going to have to call him when we get back huh?"

"Yup. But for now eat your French toast ok?"

Rachel smiles appreciatively at her friend before taking a bite of her breakfast.

x

Talking to Matt is a little harder than she expects it to be.

To make it easier on the both of them (mostly herself) she tells him over the phone and blames any doubts she has on not being over Jesse yet.

"I just…I've been hurt before Matt. And I was really trying but I need more time," she tells him softly over the phone.

"I know that Rachel but…what if we just go slower? I'll wait for you and everything because you're worth it and-"

"Matt that's sweet but…no. I just…I've been through a lot ok and it's not fair to you if we do that. School is getting harder than I expected too and I'm just overwhelmed. I'm so sorry though," she interrupts.

"Ok…I guess I'll see you around?" he asks hopefully.

Rachel hesitates for a moment, not wanting to get his hopes up. "Maybe Matt. I'm really busy but…hopefully we'll talk to each other soon."

They say their goodbyes, his more pathetic and sad than hers, and hang up.

She shouldn't feel this relieved by breaking up with someone…but she is.

x

By the middle of October everyone in the hall is consumed with work.

They also figure out that the sophomore slump is a real thing.

Rachel struggles heavily. Her major classes are tough this year, astronomy is a bitch, her vocal teacher is giving her more complex pieces that she has to spend a lot of time practicing, and she's helping out with the musical this year to get her foot in the door.

The problem is that no matter how hard she tries, things don't completely go her way. She got a horrible grade on her astronomy midterm despite the hours of studying she did with Mercedes and time spent in office hours and review sessions. Her vocal teacher keeps commenting on her inability to repress emotions at the right moments of the song ,which completely distracts from her voice. Oh and there's something wrong with her tone. She also hoped that by helping with set design for the musical production, she would make friends in the department and get noticed for her hard work. Unfortunately she's just a grunt worker who is only looked at when she paints something outside of the line accidentally.

Her only salvation is that everyone is feeling this way. She often sits with Grace, Mercedes, Jake, and sometimes Noah to complain about how unfair their lives are.

"It's bullshit," Grace groans. "Anatomy and Physiology is actually the most impossible class ever created. I'm not kidding. I'm going to fail and never be a nurse."

"You're telling me," Noah says from his spot on Rachel's couch. "I don't get how this music theory class is supposed to help me if I can't understand any of it. I've never studied so much in my life…and I hate studying."

"Does this mean you've been to the library for once?" Rachel teases.

Noah chuckles. "Yeah..no. I refuse to step into a library while I'm here. I don't need that shit."

The 5 friends continue ranting until a cell phone rings. It happens to be Noah's phone, which he looks at with a raised eyebrow. He answers the phone with a hello and gets up without a word to anyone.

"What was that?" Mercedes asks. "He looked a little strange."

Jake shrugs. "It's probably Finn or something. The guys having a lot of issues and calling Puck all the time."

He doesn't come back in the room for a good 30 minutes. When he does, he apologizes for leaving for so long and returns to his spot on Rachel's bed.

"Who was it?" Rachel asks nonchalantly, not wanting to seem too nosy.

"It was Finn," he answers simply.

"Oh Finn! I feel like I never hear about him. How is he, what is he doing?"

"He's ok I guess. I mean a lot of girl problems and shit but he's at some bible college in Philly. It's kind of stupid. You know how religious his mom is and shit. I think he wants to major in physical education."

"Oh…that's nice. I'm not terribly surprised he ended up at a bible college. His mom was really strict when we dated. I never went over his house because he said she didn't like girls over or something. Is he still dating Quinn?"

Noah looks at her completely bewildered. "Wait he said his mom didn't like girls over? That's bullshit. Quinn was over all the time when they dated like freshman year."

Rachel's eyebrows quirk up. "Well…maybe she just liked Quinn more or…I don't know. They started dating not long after he and I broke up."

"They started talking and hooking up in like October or something. I just thought it was fucked up the whole time because Quinn is a bitch and it always shows."

Rachel becomes even more confused at this revelation. "Noah…Finn and I didn't even break up until the end of October."

Noah's eyes widen. "Shit. Shit shit shit. He never told me when you guys broke up, he just kind of started talking about Quinn so I figured you guys broke up and I hardly saw you and…shit! B I'm really sorry."

Rachel merely smirks. "What can you do now? It's been years and it shouldn't matter anymore. So why is Quinn such a bitch…besides the obvious?"

"Did Tina never tell you any of their high school shit? It was ridiculous. They were always off and on, fighting all the time and stuff. Then senior year when they were definitely on, Quinn has sex with Sam Evans because Finn didn't want to lose his virginity but Quinn did. So she went to Sam which is fucked up because we were really good friends with him. But they still stayed together."

Everyone in the room at this point is enthralled by their conversation.

"That shit is fucked up man. How are they even together now?" Jake comments.

"So he's calling me all the time now because they fight a lot. He eventually did have sex with her but now he wants to stop because he feels bad but she says it's ok if they have sex and that God won't be that pissed because they love each other. But he doesn't know if he should break up with her because she's the 'perfect Godly woman my mom always wanted.' It's really exhausting to keep up with," Noah explains.

Rachel just shakes her head and snickers. She really dodged a bullet there with Finn.

x

She gets to see the golden couple in the flesh when she sees Noah's acapella group perform for their fall show.

The entire hall goes, as usual, and the show is really fantastic. Noah gets more of a role since he's a year older now, and even gets to be in a couple of the skits they put on.

After the show, the group is in the lobby waiting for Noah so they can congratulate him. Rachel looks around at the crowd of people surrounding them and finally sees 3 familiar faces-Brittany, Finn, and Quinn. Brittany and Quinn are talking animatedly to each other while Finn looks on completely bored. Quinn is attached to his hip, arms around the waist while his arm is thrown over their shoulder. If Rachel didn't know what she knew she would actually think they're the perfect couple.

Noah appears from backstage and greets all of his friends. She gives him a big hug and smile with many compliments over the arrangements of some of the songs.

"Seriously Noah, some of those arrangements were fantastic. I really really enjoyed the show and you did so well!" she compliments.

He blushes a little. "Thanks B. You know when I have set up some of the arrangements you're going to have to help me. I need it to live up to your expectations and shit."

She grins brightly and agrees with him. She enjoys that he values her opinion so much.

Before he goes to meet with Brittany, Finn, and Quinn he invites the group to the after party over at his apartment. Hopefully this party will be less awkward than the last.

x

Rachel should not have expectations.

What she expected was a fun celebration with drinks, laughter, and lots of music. She expected to dance with all of her friends and maybe even steal a dance with Noah at some point of the night.

Except she spends most of this party drinking more than she should so she can avoid having to talk to Finn or Quinn.

She's not mad about him cheating on her. It's in the past and honestly, she's had worse done to her (thank you Jesse). They were kids. But that doesn't mean she wants to talk to him or have a conversation right now.

Quinn seems to have the same idea, because even though the two girls acknowledge each other's presence, Quinn pretends that Rachel doesn't exist. Instead she hangs all over Finn, dancing and grinding up against him so that he'll stop looking at Rachel curiously.

His constant staring the whole night is just uncomfortable.

Besides talking to Brittany quickly when she first arrives at the apartment, she hasn't seen the other golden couple all night. It's pretty late, almost 1am, and Rachel needs to pee so she wanders around the apartment and looks for a bathroom. She comes up to a familiar dark hallway where she once made out with Matt and finds herself in an odd position.

There are a few people talking together in the hall but her attention falls on Noah and Brittany nestled together against the wall. Brittany's head is thrown back with a dreamy smile on her face while Noah kisses and nips at her neck. His hands are hidden under her shirt and under her skirt. He's basically surrounding her against the wall and lifts his head up to whisper something to her against her lips before kissing her slowly and languidly. Brittany nudges at his belt with her hand, making a motion to undo it. Before she can, Noah's hand immediately emerges from under her skirt to stop her. He stops their kiss with a laugh and says something to her before looking around.

And then he spots Rachel.

It's like déjà vu, except Rachel is more wide eyed and entranced than anything else. Noah simply looks at her while Brittany kisses against his neck and trails her hand under his shirt.

And then he smirks. He smirks with an unfamiliar look in his eye before lifting Brittany's head to take her lips forcefully. The kiss is heated and Brittany becomes pliant in Noah's arms. He takes her legs and lifts her up against him so that she can wrap herself around him.

Rachel should walk away. She should walk away and just…go home. But she can't stop looking.

And now Noah won't stop looking at her, even if he is making out with his girlfriend.

He lifts Brittany from the wall and walks backwards over to the door right next to where they were standing before. He stares at her the whole time before disappearing into the bedroom and closing the door.

x

She probably had that coming.

Rachel walks away from the hallway bewildered and distracted. She knows now how it felt to be Noah in that situation, walking in on an intimate moment with someone you know and wanting to look away but not being able to. Although Noah seemed more…perturbed. She doesn't know Noah's feelings about her exactly, but he must feel something if he seemed so put off by her making out with Matt.

She hasn't thought about this in a long time, not since the initial incident. But being in the same position as him has made her think. She should be mad since he intentionally upped the ante just for her benefit. Anyone with eyes would recognize that. He knows how she felt about him in the past…the longing she had for him in middle school. So it's a little cruel to play on those emotions.

Except she's not mad…she's jealous.

Jealous because Noah is made up of defined muscles and hardness. Jealous because she's seen the guy in just his briefs but can't do anything about it. Jealous because she had to see him in action to finally understand how much she  _wants_ Noah Puckerman but can't have him.

But Brittany can. She can have him anyway she wants.

Rachel shakes herself off and decides to find the rest of her friends so she can get out of here. This isn't a fun party anymore.

On the way she passes by Finn and Quinn again, avoiding their gaze. But she can feel Finn staring at her once again. It's not any comfort to know that he at least is noticing her. She wants someone else to.

x

She doesn't see Noah for the rest of the semester.

It's a whirlwind of the end of classes, the theater production, and then final exams. She works harder than she ever has before to get her grades up. Astronomy never got any easier and the professor for her history of Shakespearean theater class is a hardass.

Through all of that she hardly has anytime to think about Noah. She really doesn't. She doesn't spend much time in the dorm either except to sleep and eat occasionally. She and Mercedes miss each other all the time and promise one night that they'll hang out a lot during winter break to make up for it.

But coming home after such a hard semester is the biggest relief yet. Her dads spoil her with all of her favorite meals and a nice trip to Cleveland to see a play she likes. She thinks it's just because they miss her so much when she's gone.

She's sitting in her room one morning catching up on some reading when her daddy walks in.

"Hey sweets! I'm going off to work but just to let you know, we're going to the Puckermans tonight for Hanukkah. Won't that be fun? Celebrating with our 2 favorite NYU students!" he exclaims excited.

She gives him a tight smile and agrees before he kisses her on the forehead and heads off.

She's not entirely surprised, but it's been a long time since the Berrys and Puckermans have come together like this. It hasn't been since high school really. She's excited about seeing Sarah and Mrs. Puckerman but Noah…who knows.

Hours later she wakes up from a short nap to a text message.

_Yo B. I hear you guys are coming for dinner tonight. Like old times huh?_

She stares at the phone confused. He hasn't made an effort to talk to her since his party…so why now?

Then again she hasn't made an effort either.

_Yes it will be like old times. Maybe your mother will tell the story about how you had nightmares after Schindler's List again._

_I swear I'll walk out of the house if she does that shit._

_No you won't. You say that every time but you never do. You just blush and she pinches your cheeks._

_Damn Aviva. You know too much Rachel._

By now she's smiling and giggling at the memories of Aviva Puckerman telling that childhood story. It always warms her heart, the thought of Noah being scared that everything in Schindler's List would happen to him and his mom. Sure he was a little kid at the time but it shows a more gentle side not many get to see.

She continues texting him with a grin on her face, completely forgetting why she didn't want to talk to him in the first place.

x

She sees Noah a lot more after that dinner.

Her fathers and Mrs. Puckerman miss the good times of their mutual family friendship so much that they decide to make it happen a lot more during the winter break. They have lunch after Temple and a joint outing to go ice-skating.

Noah also invites her to spend New Years Eve at his house but she declines, saying she already promised Mercedes she was going to her house.

She almost says yes though.

x

The sophomore slump continues.

One would think that the second semester is supposed to be a little easier but unfortunately for Rachel that's not the case.

Her theater workshop this semester is tougher than ever. The professor has been known to be extremely critical and Rachel always seems to be the one he notices the most. He nitpicks everything she does while the class looks on in satisfaction because it's not them being noticed.

She decides to get a new vocal teacher this semester since the last one got on her nerves so much. She at least likes this one better. She's more patient and eager to teach Rachel things instead of just watching her sing and telling her what she did wrong.

Her vocal lessons are basically the only good part of her day.

Not even being in the dorm is much salvation anymore. Grace and Jake decided to make the mistake of dating at the end of the last semester. While Mercedes, Rachel, and the rest of their friends tried to be supportive and happy for them, they knew it would blow up eventually.

And it did. All the time.

Even though Rachel didn't always like Karen, she felt kind of bad that she had to witness the brunt of the drama with Jake and Grace. The girl would constantly come over to her room just to escape the shouting or make up sex.

So Rachel goes to the library.

She loves Jake and Grace dearly, but she does not love them together. Jake has his own set of issues and is actually quite needy and pessimistic. He also seems to have a depressive streak. And it's just not healthy when coupled with Grace's incessant need to help people and save them. Sure she wants to be a nurse but…she can't save everyone.

Rachel doesn't want to be around when shit  _really_ hits the fan. So she runs away.

x

The semester passes over and Rachel becomes exhausted.

In addition to her classes and vocal work, she tries out for the musical production and actually gets a substantial supporting role. She wasn't expecting to get anything, knowing that seniors and juniors get first pick, but the casting committee was so impressed with her audition that they gave her something good.

The rehearsals are long and hard, but don't interfere too much with her schoolwork. She has a lot of downtime to do it during practice and concentrate on it well enough. But she's excited. She's going to own this part and impress everyone. She knows it.

After spring break, everyone starts talking about the huge festival that will be happening on campus very soon. NYU has it every year and campus performing arts groups perform in the main part of campus on Friday and Saturday while everyone is able to get food and drinks from different vendors. Then at night there's a huge carnival with games and free food from great places around the city. They're also supposed to have Girl Talk and Lil Wayne come for a concert on Friday night.

But really it's the biggest excuse for everyone on campus to drink all the time.

It's not an exaggeration. Even though the festival is supposed to be on Friday and Saturday, people begin their own festivities on Wednesday and last all the way to Sunday.

Everyone is really excited about it and talks about the different parties they're planning on going to both nights. Rachel didn't pay attention to the festival much last year, but she guesses she'll participate and take a break from everything this time. She really needs one anyway.

x

If there's one thing this big party is good for, it's people watching.

Rachel, Mercedes, and Karen are sitting on the grass in the sun, watching everyone in the main quad area go absolutely insane. Rachel can smell the beer and vomit everywhere, and her heart pounds from the bass of the music from the band that's currently playing. They laugh watching a completely plastered girl topple over another until it seems a wrestling match is occurring.

Rachel doesn't get the big deal about this weekend, but she enjoys watching everyone lose themselves a little. She'll go to parties, drink, and have fun but she can't see herself doing anything too stupid.

As Rachel looks away from drunk girls she sees a 2 blurs dart past her. She follows the people with her eyes as they run around to other people yelling and high fiving them.

It's…it's Noah and Finn.

Mercedes notices them at the same time and cackles loudly.

"Oh no. Puck is already trashed and it's 3pm. We need to get him over here. Puck!" Mercedes calls out amused.

Both boys look in their direction, and it takes them a second to recognize the girls before their faces light up.

"B! Mercedes! Gracie!" Noah yells with arms wide open. The two boys run over and give the girls enthusiastic hugs and high fives. They're a little stunned, especially because Mercedes and Grace don't know Finn but they guess he's a friendly drunk.

Rachel is glad to see Noah otherwise. She hasn't seen him for a few weeks, being too entirely busy to even socialize with others. She's missed him. And he's kind of a fun drunk.

"Have you guys had anything to drink because we have? You need to come over my place. We're stocked," he slurs happily.

"There's so much vodka!" Finn pipes up.

The boys continue to ramble on about asinine things while the girls giggle and look on amused. Rachel feels like she's in 8th grade again, watching Noah and Finn make plans to try and take over the world but fail miserably.

One of Noah's friends joins the group however and tells the boys they have to get back for more pre-gaming before they go to the concert. They whine about not wanting to leave the girls but Rachel assures them they'll try and see them later. Once they make her pinky promise them she'll find them, they agree to leave with Noah's friend.

The girls laugh for a good two minutes once the boys leave, completely entertained and wondering what shenanigans they'll get up to if they're with Noah and Finn this weekend. Rachel really does hope she'll run into them again.

x

She's at the carnival the next night with Mercedes and Jake, eating free samosas they snagged at one of the food carts. They stand along and watching the activity around them, bopping along to the music the DJ is playing.

Rachel looks over to the moon bounce obstacle course just in time to see Noah and Finn stumbling off the monstrosity with difficulty because of how much they're laughing. She looks at the boys closely. They're clearly still drunk, but for some reason Noah is wearing a jacket she doesn't recognize with ridiculous sunglasses. Finn stares at his surroundings once the boys have found their footing and spots Rachel. She gives him a small wave with a smile and Finn nudges Noah and gestures over to Rachel. They both walk over to the group, smiling goofily at her the entire time.

Everyone greets each other happily with Jake giving Noah and Finn some complicated handshake she's surprised all of the boys can manage since they're pretty drunk already. They stand around in a circle for awhile, discussing the carnival and also how crazy the concert was last night.

"Dude, everyone was smoking pot in our section. It was kind of awesome," Finn whispers as if it's some scandalous secret.

Noah snorts. "Yeah I had to hold him back a couple times. Finnocence is a little out of his element don't you think?"

"Hey! I'm at stuffy Christian school place or whatever. And I'm a single guy! I can do what I want," Finn retorts proudly.

Rachel snickers and wonders what happened now for Finn and Quinn to break up. Noah mentioned to her awhile ago that the two had finally resolved the sex issue-or rather Finn gave into Quinn and let her do what she wanted to him.

"Finn decided he has to get laid tonight," Noah informs them.

"That's right!" the tall boy quips.

Mercedes can't help chuckling and looks at Rachel with an, 'Are they for real?' expression on her face. Rachel merely shrugs. She looks at the boys again and sees they're bickering over something unimportant. Rachel decides to interrupt their conversation.

"Hey Noah where did you get that jacket and sunglasses?" she asks curiously.

Noah looks down at his garments confused, as if he's completely forgotten that he's even wearing them. He thinks for a moment and finally comes to a realization.

"Oh…yeah we found this at some frat open house. We kind of just went to scope things out and get free beer and then I found this jacket in a closet. It's cool right?" he tells them nonchalantly, like there is nothing abnormal about the situation.

The girls giggle and Jake shakes his head. The fun is interrupted though when Mercedes phone chirps. The girl looks at the phone and sighs disappointed.

"We have to go. Everyone wants to pre-game and get ready to go out later and it's already like 9."

Rachel nods in agreement and looks to the boys to tell them goodbye and she'll see them later, when Finn grabs her hand in earnest. "Wait Rachel! You have to stay! I have to tell you some stuff or whatever," the boy rambles nervously. She raises her eyebrow and tells Mercedes and Jake she'll catch up with them later before turning back to Finn and Noah.

Noah stares at Finn like he's crazy while the boy takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

"So like…I have to apologize. Because when we dated freshman year I was the biggest doofus ever. I mean…you're the coolest. You always have been. And you're smoking hot! But I was stupid and the worst boyfriend ever and you didn't deserve any of it. I shouldn't have been talking to Quinn behind your back and I should have appreciated everything we had."

Noah continues to stare at Finn with wide eyes, just as surprised as Rachel at the confession Finn just let out. Finn keeps rambling and spouting nonsense until Rachel shakes her head profusely and holds her hand up to signal Finn to shut up.

"Finn," she begins carefully. "It's ok. I forgave you…a long time ago for freshman year. You're right…you were a horrible boyfriend. But hopefully you've grown up…a little bit. And you obviously recognize you made a mistake. So please stop apologizing."

Finn breathes a sigh of relief and grins widely at her. "Awesome. I really want to be friends and stuff. It's really good to see you Rachel." And with that he engulfs her into a hug. Rachel looks at Noah helplessly while he looks on. He can only shrug with a confused look.

The three friends start to walk home, Noah leading the way and Finn and Rachel lagging behind. Finn wraps his arm around Rachel the whole time, holding her close and talking to her about things she can't even understand. She smiles and nods at the right times, but mostly her attention is on Noah who says hi to just about everyone they pass.

When they arrive to her dorm, the door to her apartment is open and her crew of friends is standing around the table doing shots. Except for Jake and Grace who are arguing heatedly until Jake storms out of the room.

Rachel is pretty sure they're broken up right now…she doesn't have the energy to find out at this point.

Everyone greets her happily and she excuses herself to her room to find something to wear so they can leave to go out. She walks into her room and opens her closet, sifting through her clothes contemplatively. She hears footsteps coming closer however, and turns around to see Finn standing behind her.

He doesn't say much, looking into her closet as well and sifting through her things. She watches him bite his lip, picking up a red tank top she owns with a deep V neck. He looks at it then looks at her, before making the decision and handing it over to her.

"Wear this…you'll look really hot," he murmurs while standing closer to her to give her the shirt. She looks up hesitantly, wanting to back away somewhat.

"Um…ok…but you have to leave the room so I can change," she tells him carefully.

He blushes embarrassed before muttering a "right" and leaving her room.

Rachel shakes her head and begins to change out of her clothes and get dressed. While doing her make-up she thinks about the situation she knows is already emerging.

Finn is obviously trying to rekindle whatever flame they had. He's single, for now, and probably figures that hooking up with Rachel is a safe bet. It's not like they'd actually get back together. Rachel isn't that stupid and Finn and Quinn wouldn't break up for good.

He's really bumbly but he seems to have a good heart. She figures she'll have fun anyway with him and everyone else tonight. If he happens to lean in and kiss her at any point in time, she won't necessarily stop him.

She doesn't have to…she's not attached…he isn't attached…

It's all fair game.

x

She kind of hates how right she is about Finn.

The boy stays attached to her from the time they leave the dorm until they get to a party. He only leaves her side to get her drinks from a few feet away.

Besides that, everyone seems to be having a great time. Despite spilling some of his drink on her white top earlier, Noah and Mercedes are dancing and laughing together. Grace is dancing with a friend of hers and Rachel is…attempting to dance with Finn. Mostly it just involves him grinding behind her to compensate for the fact that he can't actually dance.

She ignores it for the most part, letting him do whatever he wants back there while she dances with Mercedes and Grace in front of her.

The party is pretty full and there isn't much space in what seems to be the living room turned makeshift dance floor.

Finn's hands are low on her hips, straying every now and then to the hem of her top so that his fingertips graze the skin underneath. His breath is on the back of her neck and his pelvis is nestled against her ass. Which is how she can tell he's a little hard for her.

She vaguely hears him whisper, "Fuck you're so hot Rachel." But the music is too loud for her to hear everything he says.

He turns her around to face him and she looks up, surprised, before he leans in and kisses her. He pulls her towards him tightly and she doesn't really have much of a choice other than to kiss him back.

That's the thing with Finn. Even when they dated he always just pulled her into these make out sessions all the time. She never really knew how to get out of it and just went with it.

They continue like this, making out on the dance floor while everything else moves around them. It's not bad and it stays pretty innocent for the most part, except when Finn grabs her ass or whispers how hot she is in her ear.

20 minutes later she manages to free herself enough from Finn to look around and see who's still around. She ignores Finn's pleas to go back to her place because hell if she's going down that road, and instead goes to look for the rest of her friends.

She goes into another room in the house where the lights are actually on and sees Mercedes, Grace, and Grace's friend talking and laughing. Rachel tries to make her way over but before she can, Jake comes out of nowhere and angrily stalks over to the trio.

Rachel can tell by the look on his face that he's drunk…and angry. Which is not a good idea considering how big he is. He's yelling at Grace who has a scowl on her face while her friend stands there kind of terrified. Jake makes a move to tower over the guy who runs away and hides in a bathroom nearby. Jake continues to yell for "That little pussy to come out here and face me like a man!" while Grace cries for him to stop and Mercedes stands between him and the bathroom. She pushes him away, telling him to stop being an idiot and get out of here. Jake roars at Mercedes to get out of his way but she stands her ground and doesn't move.

"Or what Jake? Are you gonna hit me?" she asks coolly. Rachel's breath hitches, ready to go defend her friend if that's what she has to do. Her two friends continue to stare at each other and the room is completely silent.

But Jake finally relents. Not without muttering "fuck this" and walking away. Rachel breathes a sigh of relief and goes to comfort Grace who is standing there completely mortified and crying. The noise in the room picks up again and Mercedes comes over to the girls and suggests they call it a night.

That might be the best idea they've had all night.

They find Noah in the kitchen, chugging water and laughing it up with a bunch of guys he probably just met. Evidently he didn't notice the ruckus going on in the living room.

The 5 friends walk home, and this time Rachel is able to avoid Finn's advances by playing the good friend to Grace. While the situation is unfortunate, at least it gives her a complete out to Finn wanting to come up to her room.

x

She sleeps in Mercedes room that night.

She doesn't know why but the girls go on discussing the night's events and how to deal with the Jake and Grace situation. And Mercedes laughs hysterically of course when Rachel tells her about Finn. But it gets so late that Rachel doesn't even feel like trudging back to her room, so she just lies next to Mercedes so they can both go to sleep.

They lie there, a little tired but not able to fully fall asleep either.

"Hey," Mercedes whispers. "Did I mention what Puck told me tonight?"

"No you didn't," Rachel answers and looks at her friend.

"He and Brittany broke up."

Rachel sits up quickly in shock. "What?"

"Well…they're on a break. Or something. Apparently they've had issues for the past couple of months and Brittany said they should just take a break. I think that was at the beginning of the week. Which is why Finn's here…to help him through it or something," Mercedes explains.

Rachel stares into space, unable to actually process that Noah and Brittany…there might not  _be_ a Noah and Brittany anymore.

She turns to say something to Mercedes but is stopped by the ringing of her cellphone. She picks it up from the floor and looks at the screen to see Noah Puckerman on display.

She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. It's almost 4am…what could he possibly be calling her for?

"Hello?"

"B what's up? How are you?" Noah whispers.

"Um…Noah it's 4am and you just saw me a few hours ago. And why are you whispering?"

"Because Finn is sleeping and I don't wanna wake him. He wouldn't want me calling you."

"Why?"

"He'd get jealous or something. So what are you doing?"

He's clearly still a little drunk, otherwise he wouldn't be asking her pointless questions. She looks at Mercedes a little confused but the girl just shrugs and laughs.

"Well Mercedes and I were just about to go to bed but now I'm sitting here…talking to you."

"Oh…sorry. Well um…uh…"

"Noah is there a point to this call?" she finally asks exasperated.

"Yes! There is…it's just…I'm kind of nervous ok?" he replies quickly.

There's a pause. She can hear him breathing nervously on the other end and she waits patiently for him to say something.

"I'm an idiot," he states.

"Ok. Why's that?" Rachel drawls.

"Because I was too scared to say yes to you in middle school," he tells her quietly.

At this her jaw drops.

What is going on?

"You were…you were my best friend in middle school. I know everyone always thinks it's Finn but…you were just there. You were the coolest girl I knew and I didn't…I didn't want to lose that by screwing up a relationship. But I did anyway and I feel like I fucking fool now."

"Noah what are you talking about? You didn't lose me I'm right here-"

"When Finn told me the summer before freshman year that he was going to ask you out? I wanted to punch him. I really did. So I stayed away most of the time thinking it was just…better that way. But then you guys broke up and things got crazy. And there was Brittany so I just…I'm such an idiot ok."

She doesn't know what to say. She breathes slowly and looks to see if Mercedes is still awake but she's fast asleep. She doesn't know how much she heard but she wishes Mercedes was awake so she could confirm that Rachel isn't crazy. This is actually happening.

"Can I ask you something?" he says tentatively, not knowing if he's scared her off or not.

"Of course, yes."

"How come you came to every one of our glee club shows, even after Tina dropped out?"

Her breath hitches. "How do you know about that?"

"My mom always saw you and mentioned that you were there. I always wondered but…never thought to ask."

Rachel sighs. "I wanted to support you. I never missed any of your shows because you're my friend Noah, and you'll always be my friend. Friends support each other."

"Oh," he says simply. After a pause he continues to speak. "Do you remember the first day of 7th grade?"

Rachel scoffs. "Yes I do. I was the new girl with the terribly awkward short haircut. God I hated my hair then. It made me look ridiculous."

"What are you talking about? I've always thought you were the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Rachel closes her eyes and exhales sharply. Every part of her body is on alert and she pinches herself to make sure she's not dreaming.

"Noah I…what are you trying to say? Why did you call me?" she stutters.

"I think I'm trying to tell you I'm in love with you but I just don't know how to say it," he says clearly.

She nearly drops the phone, biting her lip to keep from blurting out something ridiculous. She holds the phone away from her for a moment to breath and collect herself. She looks towards Mercedes again and the girl is still asleep, so she gets up and goes into the living room to keep from disturbing her.

When she sits down on the couch, she puts the phone back to her ear, hearing Noah frantically whispering her name.

"I'm still here Noah," she assures him.

"Oh. Good. I thought I scared you off or some shit," he says with relief.

"No it's just…I'm surprised. I never thought you felt that way about me. I mean there was middle school and then Brittany. And what about Brittany? What's happening with her? How can you tell me you love me when you've been with her for so long?"

"Rach that's not even…that's not fair ok. It's different. And Brittany and I have been having problems for awhile…things just aren't the same. You know sometimes we just sit there on the phone in silence for hours? We don't have things to talk about anymore. We're just not the same people. And I love her, I do because Brittany has always been awesome and we have all this stuff between us…but it's not like me and you B. It's a different thing."

"Well what is it that you and I have?"

"It's…it's just…we have this potential Rach. I always feel it when I'm with you. And no matter how long I go without seeing you it doesn't matter. It's still like we're in the 7th grade poking each other in the middle of temple service. And I…I don't want to look back on my life and think I made a mistake by not trying with you. Because I feel like I make a mistake every single day by not saying something to you."

"Noah I-"

"I know you feel something for me too Rach. I know you. You can't lie."

"You're right…I've always felt something for you," she murmurs truthfully.

"Well…is it…do you love me too?" he asks nervously.

"I don't know!" she cries. "Noah, I've had feelings for you for so long but I've never been able to just…let myself feel them. I've had a boyfriend, you've had a girlfriend. I've had to push them down for so long that I don't even know what they are anymore. You can't just say all this and expect me to know how I feel!

By the end her voice is raised and half shouting at him. He's silent on the other line, except for the obvious sound of him breathing.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I told you I'm a fucking idiot."

She feels a little bad now. It takes some courage to tell someone how you feel about them and she knows Noah isn't always a touchy feely person. She hasn't even had the guts to admit how she feels about him for all these years.

"What do you think it would be like if I had said yes in high school?" he asks curiously.

She wants to say that they'd still be together, even right now. That instead of being on the phone with each other they would be in his bed, wrapped in each other's arms.

But she doesn't know that.

"I don't know, Noah. Nothing is set in stone. We could still be together, or something could have gone wrong and we'd hate each other by now. I'm not psychic."

"I think we'd still be together. Because I don't think I could hurt you the way any guy ever has. And you would never hurt me."

She smiles for the first time since the conversation got so serious. By now her body has relaxed enough that she notices how tired she actually is. She looks at the time and sees that it's nearing 5am.

"Noah it's getting late…or early…I don't know anymore. Can we talk tomorrow? I think we need to talk face to face."

"Yeah you're probably right. God I'm going to feel like shit in a few hours. I can come over tomorrow night?"

"Yeah that sounds great. I'll see you then."

"Ok…I'll see you later B," Noah says sleepily.

"Yeah…bye Noah," Rachel finishes with a smile on her face.

She hangs up the phone and jumps up from the couch, resisting the urge to throw her hands up in the air and yell for joy. She giggles though.

She giggles like a little 7th grader.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a little help from her friends, Rachel fights through her trust issues to get to Puck.

The panic sets in the next morning.

Once she showers and gets ready for the day, the realization finally hits her.

Noah Puckerman is in love with her.

Ever since she met him almost 7 years ago, she didn't think she would have this chance. He said no.

He said no to dating her 3 times.

Mercedes comes out of her room, getting some cereal and milk while Rachel sits at the table still thinking. Her mind is in a far place, thinking of what she's even going to say to Noah tonight. But Mercedes interrupts her thoughts.

"Was I…was I dreaming or did Puck basically profess his love for you earlier?"

Rachel looks up in surprise. "You heard all that?"

Mercedes shrugs. "I heard it while I was sleeping. So really…did that happen because…that's crazy Rachel."

She bites her lip. "I know…I know it is. And he's supposed to come over tonight to talk and I just…Mercedes I don't know what to do!" she cries.

She picks up her phone frantically and dials the 3 in her speed dial. That used to be Jesse but once he completely messed up Tina took that spot.

"Hey Rachel!" her best friend greets.

"Where are you?" Rachel asks quickly.

"Um…why?" Tina responds confused.

"I just…I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong? You never ask me where I am. Do I need to come up to New York? I can. I can get on a bus right now and come to New York. I don't have class tomorrow so I can stay overnight just tell me what to do," Tina worriedly says.

Rachel smiles and bites her lip harder to keep the tears from coming out. "Tina you'd really come? Because I could really use you right now. You wouldn't believe what's happened."

"I'm getting a ticket right now and the bus leaves in a half hour. I'll see you soon ok? Don't worry," her friend assures her.

She says ok and that she'll see Tina soon.

Her friend might be the only one that understands.

x

Grace bursts into the room 15 minutes later full of tears and apologies that Rachel can't understand or begin to care about.

So she shuts her up by telling her about Noah.

"What?" the girl shouts. "You and Puck…you…and Puck?"

"Don't make it sound so strange, they've known each other since middle school you know," Mercedes retorts.

"But…you hooked up with his friend last night and-"

"Oh that was nothing," Rachel waves off. "Finn…I dated Finn my freshman year of high school and it was just not a good idea. Last night was a one time thing."

"Are you sure?" Grace asks unconvinced.

"Yes," Rachel begins firmly. "Finn and I have always had a more physical aspect to our relationship. It was never deep. And the physical part was never that good. I mean…last night all he could talk about was how hot I was. But Noah? He said I was beautiful. Even when I had my terribly awkward haircut."

"I've seen that haircut. It was pretty unfortunate," Mercedes agrees.

Grace sits there in wonder. "I just never thought about you two together before. He's been with Brittany and you had Jesse and then Matt and…I don't know."

"I've never actually thought about us together either. And that's the problem," Rachel groans.

"You know Rachel…you need a movie made on your life. Cause really girl? You have too many ridiculous things happen to you," Mercedes comments with a smirk.

"Yeah we need to make friends with a film major. We could make so much money off of telling your story," Grace agrees with laughter.

Rachel cracks a smile. They're probably right. With everything that's happened, her life has turned into a romantic comedy.

And hopefully complete with a cliché happy ending.

x

When Tina arrives, Rachel hugs her friend for about 5 minutes and then proceeds to tell her of last night's events.

By the end her jaw is dropped.

"What?" her best friend breathes.

Rachel simply nods solemnly. "He's in love with me."

"Rachel…do you understands what this means?"

"Besides the fact that our middle school years weren't completely pathetic?"

"It means…Noah Puckerman being in love with you means…" Tina trails off.

"See! I can't even comprehend this Tina! What am I supposed to do?" Rachel cries.

"What are you talking about dummy? You meet him tonight, tell him you love him too and then make out with him."

"I'm surprised you didn't tell me to have sex with him," Rachel jokes.

"Well don't do that because then he'll have to spend the night and I'm the one spending the night here," Tina says as if it's obvious.

The two laugh a little as they drink their coffee.

"But really Rach…what's the problem with all of this?" Tina asks seriously.

Rachel takes a deep breathe and begins to speak. "Tina…he just got out of a relationship. A very long-term relationship. He was with Brittany for about 4 years. That's a long time to be with someone…so what if I'm just a rebound? Maybe he does have feelings for me, but I need him to figure this whole thing out with Brittany first. I don't want to get hurt again Tina...especially by Noah."

"Rachel, Puck wouldn't hurt you like that," Tina tells her quietly.

"I'd like to think that Tina but you and I both know that nobody is perfect. No one."

x

Rachel spends the rest of the day with Tina and Mercedes, doing homework and cleaning around the apartment.

She gets a text from Noah sometime after dinner, telling her that he'll be over there in 20 minutes. Tina and Mercedes know by the look on her face that "the talk" is coming soon enough.

"Do you want us to leave? We can leave. We can go to Grace's room," Mercedes asks.

Rachel furrows her brows. "No. I have my own room here and I think that'll be enough privacy."

Tina smirks. "Are you sure that's enough privacy because the walls are pretty thin so-"

"Tina!" Rachel gasps. "You know that's not going to happen."

"You sure Rachel? Cause Puck looks like he could get it. Anytime, anywhere," Mercedes jokes.

Her two friends continue to laugh at her expense while Rachel blushes and hides into herself. As nice as that sounds, she doesn't think she'll do anything like that with Noah tonight. This isn't about that. Tonight is about figuring things out…sober.

The girls leave her bedroom and head over to Mercedes bedroom to hide out until Noah leaves. Rachel putters around her room while she waits, straightening things out, making sure her hair isn't in her face and that any food isn't in her teeth.

And what of it if she brushes her teeth. She had garlic bread for dinner!

She just finishes brushing her teeth when she hears a knock on the door. She straightens out her clothes before going over to the door and opening it.

And there he is. Noah leans against the doorway with a warm smile on his face.

"Hey B," he greets her.

"Hi Noah," she breathes. Seeing him face to face, knowing what she knows makes the entire situation more real and palpable. He moves past her to get into the apartment and heads into her room. She comes out of her daze and follows him, scolding herself for getting distracted by his good looks.

He takes off his jacket and she bites her lip when she sees he's wearing a tight black t-shirt that shows off his best assets. He hangs the jacket on her desk chair like he usually does when he comes in here, and sits on her bed waiting for her expectantly.

She looks around the room nervously, fiddling with her hands and wondering where she should sit. He looks at her curiously, waiting for her to sit next to him. Soon she begins pacing the room and Noah raises a brow.

"Uh…are you going to sit down Rachel?"

She stops her pacing and looks at him. "Noah do you still have feelings for Brittany?"

His mouth gapes open a little at this question. "Um…well yeah but-"

"See this is just what I thought. You still have feelings for her but you say you have feelings for me but I think you're just confused and if we actually get into a relationship it'll end up badly and we'll end up like Jake and Grace," Rachel rambles.

"What are you talking about? Rachel of course I have feelings for Brittany. I was with her for 4 years. But I'm not in love with her anymore. I haven't been for awhile. Is that why you're freaking out so much?"

Rachel bites her lip. "Maybe," she mumbles.

Noah holds out his hand to her and tilts his head. "C'mere. Please?"

She relents and takes his hand, making a move to sit next to him on the bed. She settles next to him and resists jumping when he puts his hand on her thigh.

"You're not…you're not a rebound Rach. I wouldn't do that to you," he assures her.

"How do I know that?" Rachel counters.

"Because I'm in love with you. And I know Jesse messed you up but that doesn't mean every guy will do the same thing. I want a chance with you Rachel, on your terms. However you want."

Rachel looks into his eyes and sees the sincerity and warmth that he's trying to convey. Despite her best efforts, she manages to smile when he nudges her with his shoulder.

She stays silent, looking down at her lap even though she feels his eyes on her. When she finally makes a decision, she look at him with a serious look on her face.

"We have to go slow Noah. I mean…I like you too but I don't want us to mess this up."

"Ok," he nods.

"And you have to talk to Brittany. From what I gather you guys are on a break…not necessarily broken up. I know how that can be so you need to settle it. You need to tell her you don't intend on being with her again."

He nods again in agreement. "You're right. The break was her idea but we do have to talk. I don't know why she wanted it because it came out of nowhere but yeah. She needs to know we're not going to happen again. You're the one I want Rachel."

Rachel blushes and turns her head away from Noah shyly. He chuckles lightly and squeezes her thigh.

"You have to know that by now right? That I pretty much want to punch any guy that's ever come near you. I want you to myself," he murmurs in her ear. He lifts his hand from her thigh to turn her head to face him.

She breathes sharply, seeing that their faces are so close together. She can feel his breath on her cheek and she reminds herself to take normal breaths so that she doesn't hyperventilate like a crazy person.

"Would kissing you be too fast B?" he whispers against her cheek.

"N-no," she answers shakily.

He tilts her head slightly more before leaning in and pressing his mouth against hers. His lips are softer than she would think. She kisses him back softly, putting her hand to the back of his head to bring him closer. He nips at her lips a little bit, making her giggle and lean into him more.

They stare at each other with warm smiles on their faces.

"Would it be embarrassing for me to say that was better than I ever imagined it to be?" Rachel giggles.

Noah smirks. "You dream about me baby?"

Rachel merely shrugs with a coy smile.

She reminds herself to take a breath while Noah kisses her cheek goodbye later that night.

x

Even though she's starting something with Noah, her life doesn't get any easier.

This week starts the final week before the musical opens which means hell week. As much as she would love to spend time with Noah, she can't since she has to be at rehearsal every single night.

She's walking home from her vocal lesson Tuesday afternoon when she gets a rare call from her daddy. She smiles and answers the phone happily.

Her dads don't call her that often. For the most part they give her the space she needs and she appreciates that. They know that if it's actually an emergency, she'll call them.

"Hi daddy!" she greets as she sits down on a bench.

"Rachel! How are you honey? How are classes? I know it's a busy week with the musical coming this weekend."

"Yeah it's a lot. They call it hell week. We have rehearsal every day but thankfully it's not affecting my work too much. It's just limiting my social life I guess."

"Don't forget to tell Mercedes to record everything for us! I want to see your debut," he reminds her.

She laughs. "Sure daddy I won't forget."

"So what else is going on? Anything interesting…and when I say interesting I mean any boys?" her daddy pries.

Rachel giggles and shakes her head. Her daddy is usually the gossip. She never minds telling him about any of her relationships. Sometimes he actually gives good advice.

"Well," she drawls. "There is a boy. A boy you know very well."

There's a pause on the other line.

"A boy I know? Well I know it's not that Jake boy and…is it…no…it's not Noah is it?"

"Well…it is actually," she confirms sheepishly.

She expects 2 extreme reactions. Complete happiness because it's Noah or complete horror because as far as anyone else knows Noah and Brittany are happy and together.

"Honey that's so strange because I was talking about Noah to someone at work today," her daddy says in amazement. "I was telling them about how he's a music major and writes his own songs since the man I was talking to knows a producer. That's really great Rachel," he finishes happily.

"It's not official or anything but we're definitely talking," she says shyly.

"Honey that's so great. I remember you had such a crush on him in middle school! And then he kept saying no and I kept thinking he was kind of an idiot. Seems like he wised up now."

"Daddy!"

"What! It's true!"

"He's not a stupid boy. And I don't know where this is going but we're just talking and seeing where it goes. Taking it slow."

"Are you taking it slow because you think that's smart? Or because you're scared?" her father asks knowingly.

"It's not that I'm scared dad! It's just…he just broke up with Brittany and I just don't want this to be a rebound. I need to know this is real."

"Oh baby…you've been hurt so badly that you're holding yourself back," her daddy tuts sympathetically.

"What-what are you talking about?" Rachel says defensively.

"Honey, I think we both know that Noah is very different from Jesse. You've known him since you were in middle school. You've been good friends since getting to NYU. Do you really think he would hurt you the way Jesse did and go back to Brittany? I can't find a reason for him to break up with Brittany and get together with you other than he must really like you."

"She broke up with him dad. And that's just it! Apparently they've been having problems for the past few months and decided to take a break. And while I know he has some kind of feelings for me, I don't know if they're as strong as he says they are. Not after 4 years with Brittany. So yes I am scared because I don't want to be hurt by someone I've thought so highly of for all these years," she explains fiercely.

"I understand that. But…just trust him a little ok? Before you miss out on something great."

"I will dad. I have to go but I'll call you again soon ok?"

"Ok. I love you Rachel," he tells her sincerely.

"I love you too daddy," she replies before hanging up.

She continues her walk home and feels the vibration of a text message. She looks at the screen and sees it's Noah.

_Have time for a coffee break before rehearsal?_

She frowns a little bit and quickly sends a text message back.

_Can't. I have a few things to do before rehearsal. Sorry._

In reality all she has to do is take a nap and eat dinner. She could do that with Noah.

But she's too scared to.

x

The next few days are a blur.

It's probably irrational but she's almost positive her professors conspired together to make every important thing for their classes the same week as the opening of the musical. She has to lead a discussion for astronomy, an exam in her Shakespeare theater class, and a monologue performance for her theater workshop.

This basically gives her really good excuses to avoid Noah.

She could spend time with him. She has little nooks and crannies in her day that could be spent with him, but the fact of the matter is she gets scared.

She expected to feel better after their talk Sunday night, and while everything was wonderful, she felt the doubt creep up as soon as he left. Now that she knows how good it feels to even be remotely close to him, she doesn't want that to be ripped away from her.

So she hides and runs away. She leaves her room early in the morning for class and comes home late at night after rehearsal. She feigns homework, class, and other excuses when Noah texts her.

It's not until Thursday that Mercedes is finally able to sit her down long enough to snap her out of it.

"So…how are things with Puck?" Mercedes asks curiously while they eat dinner.

"Oh well…I haven't had time to see him this week because of how busy it is," Rachel answers.

"Well…he could be eating dinner with us right now," Mercedes says with a raised brow, already onto Rachel.

"But this is you and me time," Rachel shrugs sheepishly.

"Girl I see you all the time stop the bullshit."

"Mercedes I don't know what you're getting at," Rachel sputters.

"What I'm getting at is that you're running away from him. You're finding excuses to not see him so that you don't have to face anything. Remember…I know you," Mercedes tells her sternly.

Rachel doesn't say anything and simply keeps looking down at her food and eating it quietly.

"Rach…have you thought about the fact that maybe this was all supposed to happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…of all the places you both could apply to, you apply to NYU. And out of all the kids that apply here every year you both get in. Both of you! And then with that you get accepted into the same dorm. Scratch that you get placed across the hall from each other. Rachel these things don't happen accidentally."

Rachel looks down at her food forlornly, knowing Mercedes is right.

She kind of hates it when Mercedes is right and she's wrong.

"All I'm saying is, you can't fight fate Rachel. And everything happens for a reason. Every moment in our lives leads to something, and maybe everything between you and Puck has led to this. I know you're scared because of his past relationships and your past relationships, but have you ever thought that maybe those happened to make you two grow? You couldn't have been ready to be together when you were in 7th grade but you're older, wiser. And I think you're ready….you just have to believe it."

She fights back tears by biting her lip hard. She coughs a little bit and gets up to go throw away her food and clean up her plate. The room is silent, for Mercedes has nothing else to say and Rachel doesn't want to say anything.

When she's done cleaning, she goes into her room to grab her bag and make sure she has everything she needs.

Before she leaves, she turns to Mercedes and mutters a "thank you" before walking out the door.

x

On Friday, Noah is hardly a worry in her mind.

She's making her debut tonight.

Sure, it's a supporting role but she has to sing and act tonight. She has to do what she's been dreaming of. This is what she's meant for.

She spends her morning going over things with her vocal coach who wishes her the best of luck and demands she drinks plenty of tea with lemon and honey. She might as well give herself an I.V. of it.

She spends her afternoon running errands and relaxing in her favorite coffee shop going over lines and catching up on her celebrity gossip.

She doesn't hear from Noah all day besides a 'Good luck tonight.' She gets many of those from all of her friends, including Tina who is supposed to be coming for the weekend.

She heads to the theater around 4 to help everyone set things up. She knows how hard it is to be part of the backstage crew so she makes an effort to help them out when she has the time during rehearsal. She sets up her costume in her corner of the girl's dressing room, makes sure all her make up is in order, and sets up her hair in front of the mirror.

Before she knows it, it's curtain call.

x

When she gets off the stage the adrenaline high is amazing.

She's never felt so exhilarated in her life.

She's performed in front of audiences before but to be on a stage in NY and get the kind of response she got? It's absolutely amazing.

She could hear the laughter when she said her lines. Her character has more one liners and is a source of comedic relief, and she knows she did a good job by the fact that everyone laughed at her antics.

And then there was her solo.

Usually people don't clap at the end of someone's part in a group number unless they really liked it. And they loved hers.

She rushes backstage after taking a bow with the rest of the cast and goes to take off her make-up and change quickly. The rest of the girls trail in and everyone congratulates each other on a great show tonight. The lead, Darlene, comes up to Rachel and nudges her.

"Hey Rach, you were really good tonight. The crowd loved you. Keep it up and you could probably get a really great role in next years show," the girl tells her with a sincere smile.

With wide eyes, Rachel nods gratefully at the older girl. Unless she's asking for something, Darlene hardly ever talks to her. She walks away with a nod and Rachel continues getting ready in a daze.

When she comes up the stairs to the main lobby, she immediately spots her friends.

Tina immediately sees her and begins yelling about how fantastic she was in the middle of the lobby full of people. Rachel blushes profusely as she walks over to the group, knowing that everyone is staring at her. She accepts their hugs and kisses with a smile, grateful that her friends were able to see this moment. She knows they're not just being nice when they say she did a great job.

She looks up from her conversation with Grace though to look around the room.

There's one person she hasn't seen.

Mercedes recognizes the look on her face and puts a hand on her shoulder to alert her.

"He's outside," she tells her knowingly.

Rachel nods and excuses herself, walking quickly to the main entrance and going out the doors.

She finds him immediately, sitting on a bench with his head down and his leg shaking. He has a bouquet of roses sitting next to him.

She's such a stupid girl.

She walks over to the bench and picks up the roses so that she can sit next to him. She puts her hand on his shoulder gently to alert him of her presence and he looks at her with a grin.

"Hey there," she greets.

"You…you were really good Rachel," he compliments.

His approval seems to have the biggest effect on her, and she tries to hide the smile on her face by putting her head down and letting her hair shield her face.

Her efforts are thwarted however, when Noah reaches over to pull her hair behind her ear.

"I haven't seen you all week," he says quietly.

"Yeah I know. That's mostly my fault. I'm sorry," she apologizes.

"S'fine. If I had seen you I would have been able to tell you that I talked to Brittany."

This catches her attention and she looks at him surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. Why do you look so surprised though? I told you I would talk to her," he reminds her.

Rachel shrugs. "I don't know I guess I didn't want to get my hopes up."

Noah sighs and reaches his arm over to wrap around Rachel's waist and bring her closer to him.

"I told her it was over. That there wasn't a chance of us getting back together because I have feelings for you and it wouldn't be fair to either of you to keep that going," he explains.

"What did she say to that?" she asks nervously.

Noah scoffs. "Well she wasn't really happy. She thought we just needed space and time to figure things out. I mean she's pissed and I'm sorry about that but there isn't much I can do."

Rachel nods in understanding and sighs. "I'm an idiot too you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been avoiding you," she admits guiltily.

"Gee I didn't notice," he retorts.

"I'm so sorry. I've been so stupid and…scared. But I don't think I am anymore. I missed not hearing from you today you know."

"Really?" he smiles.

She nods and leans up to kiss him on his cheek. "Yeah," she breathes. He looks at her intently with a look in his eye Rachel doesn't recognize.

"I guess we'll be 2 idiots together huh," he comments before giving her a quick peck on her lips. She giggles and opens her mouth to say something else but is interrupted by the arrival of the rest of their friends.

"Yo lovebirds! What are we doing?" Jake calls out.

"Well my roommates are throwing a party tonight if you guys want to come over or whatever," Noah informs them. Everyone else agrees and starts to walk over.

Noah gets up and gestures for Rachel to hand him her bag. She smiles brightly as he puts it over his shoulder and takes her hand.

She spends most of the walk to his apartment holding his hand and smelling her roses.

x

The party is in full swing and Rachel can say she's never had this much fun.

Maybe it's the peace of knowing her life is in order, that things are going her way.

Or maybe it's the way Noah watches her from across the room.

She stands around drinking beer with Tina and Mercedes, laughing and dancing with her two best friends. Noah is on the other side of the room hanging out with his friends.

She shimmies against Mercedes playfully and laughs when Tina busts out a ridiculous move. She looks to Noah again and sees he's not even paying attention to what his friend is saying. He only has eyes for her.

She holds his gaze and grins shyly, contemplating whether or not she should tell him to come over. He makes the decision for her though and excuses himself from his conversation to make his way over to her.

When he reaches her, he stays behind her and lays his hands on her hips. The beat of the music is fast but she moves her hips slowly to the beat. His breath is on her neck and as she continues to dance his right hand wanders down to her thigh. She places her hands on top of his, letting him know she trusts him.

They dance for awhile longer, not saying anything and not noticing anyone around them. The song changes to one she knows she doesn't like, so she turns around and takes his hand, leading him off to a familiar hallway.

She doesn't know why she wants to do this. Maybe she wants to make a point or make it their space. Whatever the case, she just wants Noah around her.

She finds the door to his bedroom and leans against the wall next to it. He looks around the hallway, recognizing the significance and gives Rachel a smirk. He leans into her, boxing her in with his body.

"We don't have to do this you know," he tells her.

She nods. "I know…but I want to." She fiddles with the collar of his shirt and looks at him shyly. She pulls the collar of his shirt to bring his head down and raises herself on the tips of her toes to kiss him properly.

It's slow, shy, like all of their other kisses. They're hesitant to move beyond this phase, this more than friends stage they've always known. She pushes past his lips with her tongue in an effort to urge them along. She touches his chest, moving her hand slowly downward. He groans as she deepens the kiss, running his hand through her hair and tilting her head so he has better access.

They eventually separate with labored breath and Noah looks at her pleadingly. "Tell me if this is too fast."

"It's not. It's too slow."

He sighs against her lips and wraps his arms around her waist to press their bodies together. He kisses her lips quickly and looks at her intently again.

"Are you sure," he presses.

She nods with a glassy look in her eyes. "I'm going to stay here tonight Noah," she states firmly.

He mutters a 'fuck' under his breath before walking backward into his bedroom with her still attached to him.

She won't hold back anymore.

x

She wakes up the next morning nestled against him in one of his shirts with a content smile on her face.

The air in his room is on full blast, making the it shockingly cold. She burrows herself deeper into the bed, hiding her face in the warmth of his neck. He groans at her movement and opens his eyes blearily.

"God what time is it?" he rasps. She moves her eyes over to his alarm clock to see the time.

"10am," she mumbles.

"Fuck it's early," he groans.

She giggles. "What are you talking about? I'm showered and ready for the day by this time."

"That's because you're a morning person. You always were a morning person."

She grins at his remembrance. He remembers everything when it comes to her.

They lay in bed in silence, wrapping themselves around each other to escape the cold outside of the bed. He strokes her upper thigh while giving her a small kiss on her forehead, making her sigh happily.

"Let me take you out tonight," he whispers.

"I have the show tonight. Actually I have a matinee today too," she remembers.

"Let me take you out after. You deserve it. Just us and shit. I mean our friends are cool but they all don't really matter right now."

"Ok…can we go to that jazz club I told you about? I haven't been there in so long."

"Sure baby," he answers with a yawn. "Let's go back to sleep."

"Noah I can't sleep that much longer, I have 2 shows," she admonishes.

"Just another half hour," he pleads sleepily. His eyes are already closed.

She tilts her head up slightly to look at his face. He's made up of defined features and hardness, but when he sleeps she's reminded of that mischievous but still innocent boy she fell for in 7th grade.

"Ok…30 more minutes," she whispers before settling against him again.

x

They don't make things official for another 3 weeks.

"You do it," Rachel pleads with him.

"Why do I have to do it?" he says with hands up.

"I don't know. God why can't we just let it be the way it is," she groans.

"Because letting our facebook status say we're single would be a lie," he parrots back the words she said a few days earlier.

They sit at her desk with her laptop in front of them, fighting over which one will make their relationship official on facebook.

"Whatever I'll just do it," Noah says defeated. Rachel smiles gratefully while he clicks and types on her laptop for a few minutes.

The only way to describe her life right now is…happy.

The semester is ending out but she finally feels like she has a handle on everything now.

But she's never been this at peace. She's never felt like she's exactly where she's supposed to be. But in this moment, she is.

He pushes the computer towards her when he's done, and Rachel bites her lip with satisfaction at the words on her screen.

Rachel Berry  _is in a relationship with_ Noah Puckerman

"What do you think everyone from middle school will say?" she wonders.

"It's about time," he remarks.

She smacks him playfully with a gasp. "Why would they say something like that?"

"Oh please babe everyone knew you liked me in middle school," he scoffs.

"No they didn't!" she exclaims.

"Uh…yeah they did," he says seriously.

The two continue back and forth not noticing Mercedes giggling at them in the doorway. The girl watches her two friends argue back and forth until Noah begins tickling Rachel and picks her up to throw her on her bed.

Mercedes shakes her head, and walks away from the room to go back over to her own.

Everything happens for a reason, she ponders. Noah and Rachel ending up together happens to be a very good one.


End file.
